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Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Happy Boobs

Hi all! 

Let me take a second to introduce myself. I'm Annie. A few of you may know me from my blog, Cookies, Chaos, and Conversation.  I recently "retired" from blogging, but like most retirees I have tinkered after my party and here I am, with my new "hobby" to keep me busy! If you want to get to know me a little better, go check out some of my old stuff!

I turned the big 3-5 this October. When you turn 16, you get a license. When you turn 21 you get drunk legally. When you turn 30, you have a party.  And when you turn 35 you get............a mammogram! 

So last week my 1st scheduled baseline mammogram took place. I did all the silly prep things I felt were needed, I shaved my pits, I donned my best bra, and I attempted to robe myself in the best jeans where no undergarments or overage would be spilling over. You know, in case I needed to be partially naked. I didn't know if I would be totally-robed, half-robed, or they would make me walk around stark naked. I'm pretty sure there was an Oprah about what to expect during a mammo once but I missed it! So, unknowingly, I prepared myself for all of the above!

They were fast. They didn't let me think about why I was there or what they were about to do.......they had me in a changing room 15 minutes before I was even supposed to be there. Imagine my surprise when they handed me, not a typical hospital robe, but donned me with this:

That's right. It's a CAPE! Who knew?!?!? Of course, I immediately thought about blogging and just knew I needed to whip out the camera phone and take some shots of this new-to-me cover-up.

Before I could spin around again, in my super hero mammo way, my nurse knocked on the door and ruined all my photo shoot fun!

I went in, cape and jeans ( very stylin') and had to remove the cape. The radiologist lifted my breast and compressed it once in both directions. When she was on her third move she told me, "Don't worry, you have nice fatty breast tissue so your pictures should be easy to read."

Screech.........did she just tell me that my breasts were fatty? I don't even have muffin top today, lady, lay off the fat comments! I mean, seriously, aren't all 5'4 people with 36D's just CURVY???

I took 2 more fatty boob shots and was excused from the room. 

My results were delivered within 5 minutes.

And the news?

My FAT IS PHAT!  It all looked good so I got the all clear to head out.

Ladies, if you haven't done your mammo yet, don't listen to the people who tell you how awful it is! You get to wear a cape, get some gentle lifting and mild squishing.....and lots of peace of mind.

Signing off for now,

Fatty Boob Girl
AKA Annie


  1. That is a RELIEF! I'm almost 32 and have heard horror stories of immense pain! I'll be channeling your review in 3 years--so if it doesn't happen like you said it would, be prepared for me to hunt you down! :)

  2. I have fatty boobs, too. And mine hang down to my knees when I don't have on a bra. *sigh*

  3. Girl - I bet your fat (whatever) is phat!!

    And seriously, I was supposed to do that at 35?

    Two more things on my "to do" list for today -

    1) Make a baseline appointment, 3 years late.

    2) Go kick my GYN in the family jewels.

  4. i'm going to call you mammo girl from now on. oh, and your hair looked very cute!

    so are all the techs female? i think that would be key.

    great inspiration, girlfriend!

  5. Annie is back doing what she does BEST! This was funny!
    Yes, everyone MUST get a mammo starting at 35, given my family history and becuase I tested posative for the breast cancer gene I am ever so lucky to get my boobies smashed and get felt up every 6 aren't you jealous! I dont' get the COOL cape though, just a boring old hospital gown, lucky me. I feel I'm getting ripped off now!

  6. I can't even imagine what a mammogram of my monsters would be like...

  7. You almost look ready to burst into song. The Hills are Alive..........

    Great public service message.

  8. Annie!! You are a total inspiration with this mammo adventure. I am 41 and have NEVER gotten a mammogram. I know - it's insane. I've beaten Em by three years!! But you have inspired me and I am on my way....I only hope I look as good as you in that cape!

  9. Awesome explanation!

  10. Wow I had no idea 35 & my doc never said a word.
    Guess it's time for the appointment & wish them luck after 4 kids & the last one not being able to nurse my boobs are smaller than when I was 16.
    NO JOKE!! Barely a sad 36"almost B" that makes me feel a bit better (the almost part). But hey my man still likes em :))

  11. I just had my first mammogram last month and I'm almost 42 - so I'm the loser (or winner) however you look at it, Lee. (That is if you get yours in the next couple months).

    I'm all clear, thank the Lord, and thanks Annie for your great post - it is truly worth the peace of mind - but sorry to tell you ladies who haven't done it - it DOES hurt to be squished and the pride is wounded a bit with the whole mammo factory feel... (some kind of spa music would have helped...)

    I'm feeling a little ripped off, though Annie - no image boosting capes here in Utah! Now that I think of it, why did I need to totally disrobe under my hospital gown when they only needed my upper half?

    The lady who took my pics was very business-like, she's done MILLIONS of these you can tell - and guess what... my breasts were "curiously bumpy"? Is that something you want to hear in the mammo room?

  12. Good for you. I forgot my mamo appt. this morning. Freudian slip I suppose. What was I thinking when I schedled a mamo on April Fools? Oh well, I'll reschedule.

  13. I have 4 more years to gear up for this. I can't wait.

  14. I am quite disappointed, I never got a cape, just a regular hospital robe with buttons in the front. Great description and I hope it helps some women get over the fear!

  15. Annie here to add....mine had digital imaging so my SMOOSH may NOT be as bad as some. I would ask your OBGYN to refer you to a center that offers digital. It was a breeze and I hear much less painful and way more quick than regular imaging.

  16. I do not like them Sam I Am
    I do not like the mammograms.

    I do not like them in the house
    I would not like them with a mouse.

    Glad you did it! Loved the flowing cape. I had a half-gown and was told to put it on with the opening in the front.

    I'm thinking, why? Let's make this just as hard on it will be for me.

    Yes, I'm vengeful that way.


  17. I got the pleasure of an early mammogram...and the tech offered me some nipple stickers as a prize.


  18. So glad you got your mammogram. I think it all depends on how good the tech is. I've had mammograms where they compressed so hard I was bruised. (in the old days). Now, they are a breeze. My mom had breast cancer, so I faithfully do my mamm. every year. Had to do a biospy once...but so far, so good.
    Loved your picture.

  19. You pull off superhero very well!

    I've never had it done yet! I don't think my 5'4" 36D self can take being called "fatty" right now! Yet more proof that we are twins.

  20. I totally missed my mammo appt. a couple of weeks ago. I'm now rescheduled for this month. Woohoo! Thank you for aleviated some of my fears!

    And, I didn't even think about the muffin-top. I'll be sure to wear something to cover it! LOL!

  21. Oh, and recently (since I stopped nursing) I don't think mine are fatty. They seem to just be full of NOTHING!! LOL! They oughta lay on the tray juuuusssst fine! LOL!

  22. Oh I quit. My place doesn't give me a cape. I'm never going back. Boycotting, if you will, until they get capes.

    The first time I had mine done, I was told my breasts were dense. I wish they woulda called them fat, it's better than calling them stupid.

  23. I'm sorry, I had a comment all ready...then I read "nipple stickers" and all my thoughts have left the building...hmmff...

  24. Annie, I love the cape and the fact that you took pictures. You crack me up. I am pretty sure I have the exact opposite of fatty boobs. Okay really I have practically no boobs so I think my future in mammograms is going to be less than fun and definitely not easy.

  25. Ok..I think I would have hit the lady!!! I love the cape pictures flying in the wind!! You crack me up!

  26. I wonder how it works if you have not so fatty boobs? And aren't all boobs suppose to be fatty?

  27. Did you get Nipple Bling like me? That was the best part!

    Happy First Mammogram and I am glad all is PHAT!

  28. Thanks for the laugh, Annie!!

    I'm with Evolving Mommy Catherine. Literally ZERO boobs to speak of here (my 14 year old niece is bigger than me...sigh). I wear a bra filled with some watery gel stuff to create the illusion of boobs. When my husband wants to feel me up I tell him, "they're hanging in the bathroom." Hey, maybe I should bring my bra to the mammo and get it scanned. ;-)

  29. LOVE the pics.

    I'm 33...going on 50, I suppose I should consier this lovely experience. sigh...

    eh, it'll be alright...there are MUCH worse things. RIGHT? RIGHT??? RIGHT?????

  30. Okay, truth be known, I only love you for your phatty boobs.

    Tee hee

  31. I recently came accross your blog and have been reading along. I thought I would leave my first comment. I dont know what to say except that I have enjoyed reading. Nice blog. I will keep visiting this blog very often.


  32. Mammograms are a drag but so necessary! The mammo cape is interesting but there is a better option out has designed a garment for women to wear during any kind of breast procedure that is comfortable, 100% cotton, and could be yours to keep. Take a look and see what you think.


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