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Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Showering like it's 1965.

I once considered my refined mother to be, well, quite the prude.

She was, and still is, big on the whole private boudoir concept. She actually finds pride in the fact that my father is not
allowed in the master bathroom while she's showering.

"A lady needs to leave a little mystery."

And since my brother and I were born during the Dark Ages of the father hanging out in the waiting room, yes, there still is a little mystery in my parent's relationship. Even after 44 years.

As a mother of two myself, I completely understand the need for privacy. But I've totally got her number. She's not trying to keep her grooming secrets in the shadows - she's figured out how to have 30 minutes to herself.

I envy her. And her brains.

Here's my past Sunday morning - which is par for the course:

One minute into the shower, Oldest (6) comes stumbling in wanting to know where I put his Lo Yo! cards.

Three minutes later, Oldest is back to let me know Dad found the cards. (Praise the Lord!)

Another 30 seconds go by before Youngest (3) comes in, just to "see where Mama is." Leaves without shutting the door during a crucial point of shaving my legs. Goose bumps + razor = ouch.

Hubs then decides to hang out and chat about, I don't know, the Final Four, the weather, the price of tea in China.

By now, I'm seething and seriously contemplating installing a sliding door and a quarter slot - I might as well be paid for this peep show. I need alone time. I crave it. And if I don't get my fix, the ramifications are serious.

So, I've decided that enough is enough. MWOB, please bear witness to this declaration -

This Queen is reclaiming her throne!!

Come this weekend, I will sit all three of my men down and let them know, the revolving door is now officially closed. Once Mama disappears into the lair, no one, and I mean no one (Hubs!) is allowed in until I come out fully dressed and smelling sweet.

If they will be so kind as to just give me those precious 30 minutes, I will gladly hand over the other 23 and 1/2 hours of my day. I'll even add Poison Control to speed dial to ensure that there is absolutely no legitimate reason to come a callin'.

Now, does anyone have a Do Not Disturb sign I may borrow?


  1. you know, this reminds me... i think i would have been quite okay with my husband being in the waiting room while my kids were born. i wouldn't have had to watch him eat an entire pizza and sit through a Cops marathon on TV.

    let me know how "the talk" goes... stay strong and don't cave!

  2. Good luck with this one...I got my kids to stop coming in, but they now just stand outside and yell.

  3. I wish you much luck with the talk. I've tried it...hasn't work yet.

  4. We just declared our room off limits when we got new furniture this week.5 yo caught on and asks permission (!!!!!!!!!!!!) to come in, and 3 yo will leave when asked without a fit. No one is using my room ( on main level-only bedroom there) as a crash pad.
    Similar. Not the same as a 30 minute shower, but can be done! Good luck!

  5. Just don't forget to keep some good reading material in the bathroom.

    I've heard the Survival Guide for Zombies is a keeper.

    Just sayin'.


  6. Good luck with that talk.....I've had it and the private time last for about one day.....and the hubby is the worst one........we've been together for 20 years and he still feels the need to open the shower door and take a peak.....UGH!

  7. I've already laid the plans for this one with Pokey. I'm a firm believer in the "leave a little mystery" adage. There is a time and a place for seeing me nudie, and when I'm doubled over shaving with all my rolls spilling everywhere is NOT THAT TIME.

    I have high hopes for if/when there are children involved. Cross your fingers for me.

  8. Good luck!
    Fortunately our shower is currently on a different floor (doing a reno in the regular one). Still, 5yr old still manages to disturb once in awhile.
    The reno is for MY shower - a beautiful tiled job with a steam room attachment. I'm gonna need at least an hour to myself in there. Door lock to be included.

  9. Hey, if that was my husband, he would have gotten IN the shower with you. Oh wait, he just did that on Sunday morning. Hows' that for mystery?

  10. Ok, that sounded funny - MY husband got in MY shower with ME. NOT my husband got in in YOUR shower with YOU.

    There, all cleared up.

  11. you can have my Do Not Disturb sign. it's useless here anyway. locking the door in a 1 bathroom house is simply not an option, thus I will continue to be interupted unless i chose to shower after 9pm!! luckily we have a good shower curtain so at least they aren't seeing me...usually!!

  12. Seriously! Being s ingle mom I've learned to shower during that half hour of spongebob when my son is completely lost in a world of animated goofiness...

  13. You go girl.

    I admire your mom.

    Prude - NO!

    Female version of Einstein - YES! Brilliant.

  14. Yes! Reclaim ALL of your thrones - porcelain and all! This whole showering alone thing is quite a concept...I had started to give up on the idea that I could ever shower alone again! And showering with the door open?? I have done that soooooo's ridiculous!

    Yes, good luck with the chat...I'm gonna wait on mine because my lil' dude will not listen...I need to wait a couple years...ouch.

  15. You gave me a good laugh. "The price of tean in China" is one of my favorite sayings.

  16. I was just thinking how nice it would be to be able to go to the bathroom without children trying to crawl onto my lap, pull all the toilet paper off the roll and crawl under my legs just for fun this morning. Someday I will again pee alone!

  17. Great post Chickie!!! Loved it! I loved the idea of installing a coin collector! LOL!

  18. Deb - is it wrong to giggle at the thought of you writhing in pain while the Hubs sings "Bad Boys, Bad Boys, whatyagonnado..." Mine wouldn't quit humming the Michigan Fight song. And we went to A&M. Does Baylor even have a fight song ;-)

    Sass - Hilarious. I imagine that scenario will be playing out here as well - including the Hubs.

    Mary - ugh. Thanks for the luck.

    Annie - I'm totally with you on the "permission" thing. I still get nervous if I go into my parents room to swipe a Q-tip when I'm there visiting. I think it's brilliant.

    Quirky - but will it stave off tomorrow's impending doom? Or is it all just an elaborate trick? Your zombie theory has me freaked!

    April - yes, my handy man made some comment to Hubs when he came to replace the glass door on our shower. "You can tell the men who have the goodlooking wives. They always pick out the clear glass." Ours it clear - I guess we should feel good about ourselves, huh?

    Sassy - so smart - nip it in the bud!

    thesixkents - sounds. like. Heaven. And yes, two bolts might have to do.

    Jo - LOL!! Oh, he's been known. He says he's "being green by conserving water."

    Oh boy - peeing in the sink an option?

    Poetry Sue - that would totally work with the boys, but what to do with the Hubs?

    Tony - I hope you're appreciating the look behind the curtain. I mean Oz, not the shower.

    Rachael - makes it sound like I just want to pee in peace, doesn't it? That too.

    Amy - just don't tell her I said so.

    Lee - have I told you how happy I am to be here? Thank you, thank you my dear!!

    Boys are calling - I'll be back...

  19. Oh how I feel your pain. Your mom is a wise woman. Perhaps you and I can make a sign together. I still have to shower with the little one :(

  20. OK, back.

    Together - it's one of my favorite as well. My beloved Papa used it all the time. Still makes me smile.

    Evolving Mommy Catherine - it is the little things. I started locking the door, but then Youngest just melts down for 10 minutes. The nerve of Mama wanting to pee without my face in the bowl!

    Dawn - thanks!! I'm pretty sure my Hubs would enjoy it way too much.

  21. lol, the ladies at work told me to enjoy the privacy I had when I was prego b/c before too long it would be gone. Damnit, they were right...can I steal your idea..did I mention I even share shower time with peanut. agh to have 30 mins! hope it works.

  22. I loved your comment about shaving your legs with goosebumps! This happens to me EVERY SINGLE time I try to shave them! (Everyone is just used to those railroad-track red streaks on my legs, I guess!)

    You've given me the resolve to reclaim the bathroom time. THANK YOU :-)

  23. I finally started locking the bedroom door & the bathroom door...but they STILL find a way in.
    Now & then I might be lucky and get a good 10-15 minutes...and yes hubbies are the WORST of all!

  24. amen to that. the number of times i locked myself in the TOILET just to make a phone call...!!!

  25. I have gotten the the point that I never even shut the matter if I need to pee or shower. But I think I might have to start a new tradition....doors shut and locked. Thanks EM!!


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