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Thursday, April 2, 2009


Do you find it hard to self-soothe?

I admit it, it's real easy for me to self-soothe with an ice-cold Diet Dr. Pepper and a whole cheesecake.

really works for me.

But in the long run, probably not the greatest method for my psyche or my physique.

I decided to go to a therapist to get some help and guidance in my desire to be an emotionally balanced and healthy woman. I found a female therapist in the yellow pages. I figured it would be much easier talking to a female therapist, thinking she would better understand me woman to woman.

This is what happened on our first visit.

(Quirky plops herself on big, comfy couch. Looks around for Loonette and Molly.)

Dr. Daft: Think of a time when you get mad.

Quirky: Okay. (What?)

Dr. Daft: A car just cuts you off. Your car's gas needle is hovering on empty. You are running thirty minutes late.

Quirky: Oh, that is so frustrating when that happens! I just...

Dr. Daft: Wait. Now think of those feelings of frustration and total hopelessness as you are physically stuck in a sea of metal and glass with heat emanating from each nostril of the idling engines.

Quirky: Nostrils?

Dr. Daft: Wait. Think of a rage so fierce that you wanted to grab a person by their neck and just Get. In. Their. FACE...."

Quirky: Um, Dr.?

Dr. Daft: Wait. Your face is inches away from theirs and you bare your teeth at them.

Quirky: Um...

Dr. Daft: Wait. Think of seeing the fear in their eyes. The pleasure you would derive from installing such fear.

Quirky: (mouth open, speechless)

Dr. Daft: And then you growl at them.

Quirky: Growl?

Dr. Daft: Or if you are more comfortable grunting, then grunt instead.

Quirky: I'm not sure growling or grunting would be my style....

Dr. Daft: Wait. We cannot make progress if you do not work with me. This exercise must be done to help me, help you. You do want me to help you, don't you?

Quirky: Oh, but of course!

Dr. Daft: So do you ever get that raging, boiling feeling inside your head? Do you ever feel like the blood roaring in your head is about to explode out of you? Do your veins start constricting with the pulsating heat of that blood?

Quirky: Well....

Dr. Daft: (yelling): No, no, NO Ms. Quirky!

Quirky: But, I just wanted to ask...

Dr. Daft: No questions! Just feeeeeeel Ms. Quirky. Feel.

Quirky: All right. I think I'm feeling it now....

Dr. Daft: Wait. I'm afraid our time is up. You'll find that the hour goes by very quickly. You've made excellent progress today. You should be proud of yourself.

Quirky: Really?

Dr. Daft: Yes, Ms. Quirky. Have Rhonda schedule you another appointment for next week. Okay?

Quirky: Okay.

Did you hear that? I made excellent progress today! AND...I should be proud of myself.

"feel" like celebrating!

*can opens, fizz*

Ah, a Diet Dr. Pepper. Balm to my wounded psyche.


Enthusiasm is always a boost to the psyche!

And if this
"enthusotherapy" treatment does not work?

There's always cheesecake.


  1. Forget it, Quirky - you're beyond therapy. Really. Save your money and buy more cheesecake and Pepsi. Sides - what does the world of bloggydom need with another well balanced and healthy writer - especially one named "Quirky"

    Waste-o' money, I'm tellin ya (smile)

    Marvin D Wilson

  2. Self-soothed?

    I thought you were going a completely different route here.

    Glad to see it invovled cheesecake and not Eden's Fantasies.

    Not that there's anything wrong with that.

  3. I hear you develop additional eye twitches from therapy. Glad you made progress and are back to Diet Dr Pepper and cheesecake!

  4. i'm sticking to the cheesecake, if you don't mind!

  5. I was waiting for this to be posted since this morning.

    I think your therapist talked to one of my callers yesterday.. she described exactly how I felt.

    Yeah.. I would stick to the cheesecake.. it's cheaper. I can be your therapist.. for free.. just send me $100 everyday.. I'll give you some real good advice ;)

  6. I'm with dizzblnd. I'll give you LOTS of advice, but I'll do it for $50 bucks a day. Or cheesecake. Either one's fine with me. ;)

  7. Yeah you should spend the fees on something that makes you happy!

  8. Soda, cheesecake, and don't forget the chocolate!
    I don't want to be self-soothed anyway, how would I get all this momstuff done!

  9. Okay really Quirky - this therapist sounds loonier than you!!! :-)

    Are you really going back?

    I would just focus on that cheesecake.

  10. I am sooo w/ April on the chocolate.
    Who wants to be well balanced, then we wouldn't
    be normal!?

    Don't you think most therapists need therapists, that would be fun to see :))

  11. Therapists like that give people in my field a bad name! Never once do you hear abut a GOOD experience at the therapist's! Help!

    Although...whether you get it from a therapist or elsewhere...enthusotherapy--if it rubs off on you!--has it's merits!

    And, if not, self-soothing with a Diet Dr. P is just the ticket.

  12. if that is what therapy is then I am going to sick with the cheesecake and just take up running.

  13. And this is why I'm so glad that my therapist is a male 75 year old Korean war veteran who happens to also be a free mason... our sessions are so much more interesting!

  14. Hey, since she wanted you to cooperate, you should have gotten in HER face and growled.

  15. I think cheesecake and diet dr.pepper is a way better substitute.

  16. Man, I should have been a therapist...making money giving out crappy advice like that!

    Way to go for hanging in there for such a wacky therapy session. I'm with everyone else--definitely do NOT go back, stick with the cheesecake. YUM!!

  17. "Diet Dr. Pepper-Balm for Your Wounded Psyche"

    Have you talked to the ad exec's yet!!?

    How about an actual Diet Dr. Pepper Cheesecake? That is probably only a good idea in theory.

    to Jen: I know from much experience, running IS the best therapy. After cheesecake and DDP.


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