The Numbers Game: In the Blogsophere, On Twitter, and in Life.

Written By Lee

Disclaimer: 

The views expressed below are not necessarily the views of the other women that make up MWOB.  Don't hold any of this against them.  It's all me.

So I have some thoughts brewing and it's time to try and put 'em on the page.
There comes a time when a person on a venture needs to take stock of what's up and remind themselves and others perhaps why the venture was started in the first place.

And for me, that time has come.

The original intent of Moms without Blogs was a no-pressure scene. It was a place where, if a mom, stumbled upon it, she wouldn't feel lame about the kind of mom she was. A space where maybe she would feel that she was not alone. That being a modern-day mom is tough. And it's cool to just take the pressure off and stop the endless tail-chasing on the spinning racetrack with a finish-line labeled "Supermom!"

Ultimately, Moms without Blogs was created as a sort of safe haven away from the one-up-man ship that seems to inherently exist as to who is doing what better in modern-day mom land.

And now that I've been around a whopping six months, I've noticed that no matter how hard I try, competition is just part of the deal.

Who has more followers? Commenters? Subscribers?

Who has won more awards? Is more influential? Runs with the important crowd?

Who's on whose blogroll? Who's been nominated for what? What meme or carnival or other linky game have I created that gives me exposure and prominence and therefore......what?

Yeah, therefore....what?

What happens when, on any given day, you get 70 plus comments and you have 427 followers and 695 subscribers and you've won 2 prominent blogging awards? What then?

Is it all good? What happens? Do you get the feeling that you have somehow arrived?

Arrived where?

I'm getting pretty darn exhausted of the numbers game around town. I'm tired of people telling me how sad or confused they feel when they lose a follower or two or six and they wonder what they've done to deserve such a travesty. I'm tired of people pimping for nominations and votes and subscribers. I'm tired of memes and linky games and feeling like I'm supposed to participate and if I don't, someone might get upset.

I've started to feel it's just one big game.

And all I really want is just to read some good stuff. And maybe write some good stuff. And laugh a lot. And cry a little. And learn some stuff. And gain some new perspective. And engage in some conversations. And meet some cool people. Some real people.

In my life I have real friends. Friends I can see and touch and talk to and all that good stuff. And you know what? I don't have 427 friends. More like 16. Give or take a few. And I don't even desire 427 friends. I really don't. I mean, who can keep up with that pressure? How would you do it?

I know it sounds cliche but it's quality over quantity for me. In my life and on this blog.

I would rather get 5 killer thoughtful comments on something I wrote than 232 comments that basically said nothing. Comments that just let me know that they were there stopping by. I mean, cool for stopping by and all but if you don't have anything to say, why comment? Really - why?

I'm thinking of instituting a "No Comment Obligation Policy" here at MWOB. Like really. Don't feel pressured to comment if you don't have the time. If something strikes you and you want to say something, cool. I love it. I dig it. I'm all over it. But the pointless comments? Whatever. Save yourself the trouble and comment elsewhere. On a blog where numbers matter.

'Cause numbers don't matter here. Really.

I mean, sure it's nice to look over to the follower box and see someone new who was inspired to click follow because of some post that they read but in reality, how many of those followers are reading everyday anyway? People are busy. I get that. If they clicked to follow one random day and never found time to return and then one day they decided to unfollow, who cares? Not me.

I mean, when you lose a follower and you say something about it like "Why 

me?", how do you think that makes the other people who are reading you feel? Like their follow is not as worthy of a mention because they're still sticking around? You know?

I hope people who come to read here get something out of what they read. I adore and love and crave getting something out of what I read out there in the blogosphere. I really do. But when I'm reading someone's posts, I'm reading for ME. Not THEM. I'm not reading because I think I should. I'm reading because I want to. And I really want people to feel the same way when they come here.

Read if you want to and if you have the time and the space in your brain to do so. And if you don't? No worries. We'll see you another day. Or we won't. Have a nice life. And I mean that in a friendly way.

In life, I don't walk around meeting hundreds of people who "get" me. It takes time to "get" me. I can only imagine that the same rules would apply in this bloggy place. How could I expect that hundreds upon hundreds upon thousands of people would "get" me here? That's an unrealistic expectation and a strange one. At least I think so.

Is this all just me? Please tell me if it is. Maybe I'm truly just in the wrong forum. Really maybe I am.

I read blogs when I can and when my brain can handle it. I am totally and utterly NOT into obligation in my relationships. And that goes for my bloggy friends too. I will not visit you because I feel obliged, I will visit because I want to. I. Want. To.

And I may even want to and I don't have the time. For days. Fancy that! If I don't get to a particular blog one day, I want that blogger to know I'm friggin' busy. I have three smallish kids and I'm generally a lunatic and I didn't make it by their blog because I barely survived another dinner, bath and bedtime routine. Nothing personal.

I truly do not know how women are making the rounds day after day after day with no rest in sight. That shit is tough.

And add Twitter into the mix and wow, I'm screwed.

I like me some Twitter. But only on my iPhone. I rarely, if ever, tweet from my computer cause if I'm at my computer I'm reading a few blogs, leaving a comment or two and trying to write something. I like Twitter when I'm on the move.

Recently, there has been this whole outcry against Ashton Kutcher and Oprah because they have millions of followers or they want a million followers or whatever. And some Twitter hardcores or Twitter ambassadors are all upset because these celebs don't follow them back. Ashton has one million followers but only follows 30 people back or whatever.

But you know what?

Ashton is the one of the only dudes on Twitter who is being realistic about his numbers! One million plus people follow Ashton and he knows and follows about 30 people (give or take) in his real life. People that he actually wants to follow. It's want. Not obligation.

I think that's cool. I'm suspect when someone says they are following me and I look at their stats and it's all five thousand people plus are following that person and they are following those five thousand people right back! That's weird to me!

Who does that? Who follows five thousand people? How is that possible? It's not real. You know?

I'm a not a numbers game kind of person. Did you get that yet? I would rather sit one-on-one with someone and talk for two hours than stand in a room with one hundred people and talk with each one for 15 seconds.

But that's me.

And it seems that for most of blogville, the 100 person scenario sounds better.

I wonder why. I really really do.

I keep wondering "To what end?"  The commenting, the networking, the game-playing, it's always the same question for me....to what end?  

So the deal is if it's me writing here and you click on by, I really want you to know, no pressure. I know you have a lot going on and life is busy and there are family and friends that you love who need your real attention and time, so it's all cool.

Read my post it you're feeling it. If you're not feeling it, no worries.

Leave a comment if you feel inspired to do so. If you're not inspired, no worries.

Follow me if you're into it. If you're not, don't.

Unfollow if I'm no longer keeping your attention, no worries.

This is a no obligation zone.

That's not to say, I'm not into meeting you if you're into that.  I would love to converse with you and and actually get to know you a bit. 

I've met some really good people already. A couple who I might even call friends.

So in that numbers game? I'm feeling way ahead.

Dive In

I consider myself a risk-taker.  Not a parachute jumping kinda risk-taker. Just someone who feels pretty comfortable with the general unknowns of life. I've worked as a freelancer my entire career and the thought of a steady job scares me in many ways.  Becoming a mom has forced me to "settle" more than I would have ever thought I would, but my brain is continually clicking towards some sort of new frontier - real or imagined.  

But yet, I admit I have fears. Don't we all? And these fears mildly gnaw at my insides keeping me from stepping forward at times.

When I started blogging, I didn't know what to expect.  I knew I wanted a creative outlet and that in itself scared the semi-creative person that I am. One of my greatest fears lies in this arena - putting my "creative" self out there for all to see - and maybe judge. 

I never realized or understood the social aspect of blogging. Before starting this writing space, I never spent any time at all meeting/connecting/re-connecting with anyone online in any capacity.  I'm a face-to-face person really. I love hanging with my friends in person and I love meeting new people - in person. 

The thought of "meeting" anyone that could be a "real" friend online seemed quite strange to me.  I guess I questioned the quality of it. And the general emphasis on quantity when it comes to blogging supports my original thought. 

Bloggers are into numbers, it seems, and really, I'm not that into numbers. Numbers don't drive me. I mean, it's cool when I get a lot of comments, but when I feel too busy to genuinely reply to each one, I feel well, kinda lame.

Let's just say, I'll take one quality interaction over ten surface ones.

So as I mellowly built this little place over here, I read comments from strangers and I wondered who they were, what they were really all about, why they came to my blog, what's on their blog, etc. etc.  And maybe I would email a little reply back, and then that was it.  Most often. 

And then sometimes they would send something back. But rarely. 

And I started to wonder if any of these people that I emailed with would actually move beyond just these little back and forth interactions that basically said....not much. Just little crafted comments to get a chuckle or express understanding or add a tidbit to the topic.  

I mean, can a relationship really be built on these quick faceless interchanges?

I started to wonder.

And then I read this. A post written by a woman a lot of bloggers know.  Her name is Braja and her blog is a special place called Lost and Found in India: Notes from a Waylaid Spiritualist.

This post I read was about her "imaginary" friends that she had met through blogging and how real they had become in her life. And she offered proof to her IRL friends who doubted that these blogging friends were real that they were indeed very real.

And I remember reading this post and thinking, "Wow, so this chick named Braja has this. These real friends she met through blogging. I wonder if that will ever happen to me."

And I wrote something along those very lines in her comment section.

And she wrote back a very simple, yet very powerful response:

Dive in.

Dive in, she said. 

And I realized right then and there that I hadn't been diving in.  I thought I was, but I wasn't. I really wasn't.  I was more like dipping my toe in at the edge of the water and maybe once in a while, I was hanging out up to my knees.  

But I wasn't diving in.

And I decided I should.  And ever since I did, let's just say, good things are happening. On the friend front.  And the blog front. 

With those two words, Braja was able to speak to my soul and show me something I wasn't seeing myself.  And that is what is so crazy unique about her writing space.  She has this gift to write about life to show us things we weren't seeing.

And that's why I'm hooked on her scene.

Now - Braja needs my prayers.  And although I've never "met" her and since we live on opposite ends of the earth, I'm not sure I ever will, I can honestly tell you that I'm diving in and sending up all kinds of prayers for her.  

And I hope you will too.  'Cause she's real like that.