So, for those who are already up to speed, I married the sexy, surfer dude with those soulful eyes who loved me deep and true even in white-face mime make-up.
Okay, that's not entirely true because he's never seen me in white-face mime make-up. But he may soon. And I bet he'll still love me.
But really, have you been in white-face mime make-up? It makes your teeth look totally yellow and it's gross. It's really tough to feel attractive in mime face.
If you don't know what I'm talking about, just trust me.
My kids are so loud. And I guess I know why. Because I am loud too. My 7-yr-old and 5-year-old daughters, Claire and Phoebe, talk so much like me, it freaks me out. Loud and dramatic and emotional with all kinds of overinflated inflections and punctuated pauses.
And not only are my kids loud, they are loud the moment they wake up. Meaning like 6 AM. Or earlier.
My kids, all three of them, energetically pop out of bed the moment their little eyes open needing no time at all to ramp up for the day. Now, this is one way we are entirely different. I've been told recently that I am slow in the morning. Like I had no idea.
I know. Believe you me, I know.
So on any typical morning, as I stumble downstairs to start the packing of lunches and making of breakfasts, my kids are bouncing around and talking way. too. loud.
And it grates on my slow morning nerves. Making me grumpier than any mama should be starting a new day.
So I have an idea.
No one's really talking about miming these days. And I really wonder why. It's kinda like an endangered art. And I think it's time to try and save this art form on the verge of extinction and stage a revolutionary comeback.
Are you in?
I'm gonna do all that I can to get my kids all jazzed on mimes. I don't have my exact plan of attack just yet but I know it's gonna involve letting them slather some thick, greasy, white make-up all over their little faces and outline black diamonds around their lips and eyes. They're gonna dig that, I swear.
And we'll pick out some funky colorful clothes which may or may not include suspenders but will most definitely include multi-colored knee-high striped socks and we'll just have some fun playing dress-up.
The whole time they'll be screaming, "Why? Why mama are we doing all of this?"
When we are all dressed up, I'll give them lots of candy. Anything they want. While they suck their lollipops, I'll sit them in a circle and I'll slowly start explaining what a mime is.
And that the mime needs to be saved.
"You see kids, Mommy used to be a mime. Yep, that's right. A very famous mime. Or almost famous. But famous enough to win an award when I was in high school! And mimes aren't around too much anymore but they should be. Because they're nice and funny and tell creative stories. And they make people laugh! Now, the most unique thing about being a mime is....they don't tell stories with their mouths! They tell them with their hands and bodies. You see kids, mimes don't talk at all."
And by now, my kids will be all enthralled and totally ready to jump on the mime bandwagon because it involves make-up, and dress-up, and candy, and laughter, and well, you can win an award for it, and this miming stuff is sounding good!
And they won't even notice the part about not talking at all.
I'll teach them how to act out what they want for breakfast and they'll entertain each other with classic mime scenarios that they learn from me. Being trapped in a box, walking up or down stairs, blowing up a balloon only to have it fly away, walking along a ledge of skyscraper, and a host of other hilarity.
And my mornings will be quiet.
If we each do our part to save the mime, the world will be a quieter place.
This was Part Two of The Mime Trilogy. I have grand ideas for the finale. But I'm scared.