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Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Love Lives Go On

Written by Sandie, aka Quirkyloon

"Oh no, no, no, no, no, nooo! Don't talk that way, Hon."

"It's okay. I really wouldn't want you to be without someone."

"I can't think about that. I just
know I wouldn't remarry. I don't want another wife."

(Nice touch.)

"Oh, Hon. Don't think that way. You're still relatively young and it could be a long, long time before
your time is up."

"No, I know myself. I just couldn't."

"Stop it! I want you to. You. Should. Get. Remarried. Just make sure she has a good heart and will love the boys."

"I can't think about this. And it's not going to happen for a long time."

"Let's hope not, but in case it does, I want you to know I'm okay with it. I want you to be happy."

"Well, maybe I would join LDSsingles."


Well, that didn't take too much arm twisting did it? Took about what? Two minutes?

"Yeah, I know some men who have used that service after their wives passed on."

"Well then, would you like me to register you? Set up your profile? Shall we look at some potential partners together?"

We both laughed.

I'm still laughing.

This was a conversation that my husband and I had back in April or May of 2007. At the time, I was beginning treatment for two different types of cancer. They were two primary cancers, meaning that one did not spread to the other area. I really thought I had one foot in the grave
(wouldn't you?) and I had reconciled myself to it. I was not going without a fight, but I knew that cancer definitely had the upper hand.

Needless to say, I kicked her cancerous butt to the curb!

I've been in remission for over a year.

But I still like to bring up the whole thingy with the Hubs.

And we still chuckle and laugh about it.

Thank goodness he is technologically challenged and depends on ME to steer him around the interwebz.

He hasn't figured out the little tool I have: View, Explorer Bar, History. I can see exactly where he has been on the internet. I've never even checked it out.
(Honest!) Okay, once I accidentally did check up on him.

How was it
accidental? Well, I was trying to find a website where I had been two days earlier and then noticed some strange urls, so I clicked and sure enough I knew it had to be my husband. It was all about gardening and compost tea recipes!


I do trust him.

But who knew Internet Explorer could potentially provide a source of comfort?

Not that I'm the jealous type.


I'm not.

But I do admit that I did make up a list of women whom he could not
even consider marrying. You know acquaintances, divorced or single women we know right now. He rolled his eyes at me, but he agreed to it. (Darn better!) I've laminated the list and put it in the safety deposit box, along with our other important documents, so he won't forget. As long as he doesn't renege on this agreement, I won't be turning over in my grave.

It's so nice to know that when my time comes?

My soul will feel comfort and peace.

As long as she's not cuter or skinnier than me!



  1. It speaks highly of your character to take a difficult time and still make it funny. So happy for your remission!

    I've already told my Hubs I would stand in the room and make spooky noises when he makes love to his new wife.

    He doesn't seem deterred.

    Off to check my computer history :-)

  2. Ha! computer has history? Dang, I hope it studied for the final...

  3. Girl, you are an exceptional soul. You have faced so much already and you have the most amazing sense of humor and positive outlook on life, it is contagious!

    I have also told my dude that if anything ever happened to me, he needs to find a solid chick who will help take care of him and the kids. I would never ever want him to face the rest of life alone. I'll always know I am the one true love of his life anyway. :-)

    Love the perspective on his post....and love how it gets us all thinking.

  4. That's right. The replacement wife has to be less attractive. That's just the way it should be. Hubby and I also talk of these things.

    I like Em's idea of being a ghost.

  5. Quirky, you crazy lady....I'm sure your husband would never have the heart to remarry. He would probably just bounce from meaningless relationship to meaningless relationship...I kid, I kid ;)

  6. Ha - fun post! But I'd expect nothing less from my Quirkster Dear. :)

    The Old Silly From Free Spirit Blog

  7. Good for you kicking ass! Keep it up, sister.
    Agree on the new wife thing. The Man and I have chatted about it as well...him saying NEVER and me saying YOU NEED ONE!

  8. Great post Quirky!

    You have an amazing way about you.

    It's funny how all of us wives are so encouraging of our hubby's getting another wife and fast. I think, at least in my case, my hubby (and kids) would be wearing dirty clothes everyday and dining at Carl's Jr. for breakfast, lunch and dinner.

    And, congrats for being on the other side of that damn cancer! You're a survivor girl!

  9. Oh Em...I just had to comment on your comment. You know that scene from Ghost when he moves the penny? I told my hubby...I'd be doing that...

    Heh heh!

  10. You are a way better woman than I! I would want my husband to mourn me forever!

  11. interesting how we, as women, have a need to make sure our loved ones are cared for, even after we are gone. did it bring you comfort knowing he agreed to keep living (and loving)? i ask because when i think about getting my "affairs in order" the one thing at the top of my list is to make sure my kids and hubs will be okay without me. it makes me sad to think about them being sad. isn't that sad? i figure if i were dead, well, i would be dead, but those i left behind will be all sad and depressed and affected by it for the rest of their lives. ugh, i am depressing myself.

    what i want to tell you is what an inspiration you are to us all. you have fought, and conquered, more than most and still have a quirky smile on your face. yay.

  12. I'm the 3rd wife, so I figure if I go first (not f'in likely), he'll just have to learn to sort his whites from his colors. Or move back in with his mom. I don't think he's got the whole courting thing in him at this point. Also? He really does not want me haunting his butt for the rest of his natural-born life!
    Congrats on remission! My dad hits 5 years this July.

  13. pretty touching post, quirky. i try not to think about serious stuff like that.
    but sometimes there is not other choice...

    compost tea? for reals? sounds like an elaborate ruse to me. jk ;) i love the history bar; good for checking on other folks in the house as well.

    yay for remission! yay for a great husband!

  14. Hey Quirk - thanks for sharing this personal story - even in your funny, sweet way. I'm pretty speechless (which is weird). I don't know how I would handle this - not nearly as gracefully and honestly as you I'm sure. You've opened up a sad, but critical topic of conversation that my husband and I have never really even touched upon. Thanks. Love, Karen


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