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Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Down with Seuss

Written by Amy, a mom without a blog

Please. Hear me out before you start your protest.

Let me start by painting a picture for you.

It’s 8pm. The kids still aren’t in bed. At the last minute you’re rushing around trying to make sure all the teeth get brushed, jammies are on, faces are moderately clean before you get your few moments of silence in the house and actually get to finish a full conversation with your hubby, relax on the sofa, or polish off the bottom of the chocolate moose tracks ice-cream you’ve been fantasizing about all day.

“One book,” you yell to your kids (because it’s late and you’re already over the whole nightly routine.)

And then it happens … your son brings you
Fox in Socks by none other than the legendary, Dr. Seuss.

Are you FRICKIN’ kidding me?

In my opinion, this is a book born right out of the burning fires of hell. Its 61 pages of pure torture. That’s worth repeating … 6 – 1 pages of tongue twisters that make your mind and your mouth spin out of control spewing complete nonsense like …. "When a fox is in the bottle where the tweetle beetles battle with their paddles in a puddle on a noodle-eating poodle, THIS is what they call ... a tweetle beetle noodle poodle bottled paddled muddled duddled fuddled wuddled fox in socks, sir."


I can hear you now. You’re saying “Ah come on. That’s not too bad. Think of the creative juices it’s stirring in your eager youngster.” Oh yeah lady, well try reading 61 effing pages of that night after night. I’ve got some creative juices stirring on the thousands of ways I can dispose of this book (although I don’t have time to go there now). And besides, isn't there some law against throwing a burning book into a burning building while shouting profanities that DON'T rhyme? Ahh, how liberating. I digress.

Yes, our beloved Dr. Seuss has produced some absolute masterpieces.
Oh the Places You’ll Go is an all-time, heart-warming best-seller. Although in that fine work of art, he could have been kind enough to warn us we might GO to nonsensical, tongue twister hell.

I do think he may have gotten just a bit of twisted joy out of writing
Fox in Socks and thinking about the millions of parents around the world struggling night after night with reaching the end of this epic, nerve-wracking, bedtime story.

Thanks Dr. Seuss. That’s just what I needed at the end of my very long, zong, cong, mong, waddy, laddy, saddy, traddy, silly, willy, trilly very LOOOOOOOONG day.


  1. This was one of a few books I would hide from my kids so I didn't have to read it!

  2. I can so totally relate to this! This is a great post Amy. Some nights we have a Dr Seuss ban in our I a terrible Mom :)?

  3. I count myself happy that I have a good 10 years at LEAST until I'll be forced to endure this torture myself, as my kids are teenagers.

  4. Okay you're right. I get it...but...There's a little short story in the Sneetches book, called Too Many Daves. And that one...THAT one is a comedic masterpiece. ;)

    And it's only one page long.

    I convince my kids to settle for that, IF I use funny voices.

  5. i agree... dr. seuss is not bedtime material. goodnight moon is about all i would have left in me after chasing after my little ones all day.

    oh, and i will totally confess to cheating before they learned to read/follow along. i would skip pages and leave out words. isn't that awful? i think my youngest learned to read super early out of boredom and neglect rather than any sort of abnormal intellect.

  6. Oh Amy - my dr. suess books are sooooo worn out, my kids have LOVED them, and I admit to skipping around and making up my own rhymes as well when I'm too beat to read every word. Until they had them memorized - then I made them read the books to me! My favorites are "There's a Wocket in My Pocket" and "Oh Say can you Say" - two tongue twister books a little easier to take than Fox in Socks.

    Here's an example from a suess book that could be describing suess books, or just about anything... - "We see them come. We see them go. Some are fast. And some are slow. Some are high. And some are low. Not one of them is like another. Don't ask us why. Go ask your mother." Isn't that the answer to everything in life? :) Let me know if you know what book that quote is from!!!

    Thanks for the post Amy - love it!

  7. It's the reason I curse my son's new-found literacy - no more skipping - damn it. So the Doc has found himself in the back of the box...with the sox and the fox and the bagels and lox.


    Moose tracks. Yum.

  8. I can recite Hop on Pop while fast asleep.
    Now the kid is into If I Ran the Circus/ jaw hurts after reading those.

  9. Amy-I couldn't agree more, infact tonight when sat down with peanut he was going to read that too her. I asked him if he knew what he was doing, he said ya reading a book...and here I sit responding to posts as he still reads! too funny :)

  10. I SO know what you mean. We have one Dr. Suess book that I refuse to read. I make my hubby do it.

  11. You are so right. Seuss is a killer in the evenings. The little one is only allowed to bring those off the bookshelf before sundown.

  12. Ames,

    LOVED this post. I am SO there, my friend. It never fails for me as well that at 8:05 pm (5 minutes into "ME" time, mind you), my daughter will pick that book. I'm never sure whether to cry or spew obsenities. It is the. worst.

    I always push for "The Big Red Barn." I know it by heart so I can close my eyes when I read it to her. That is pure bedtime bliss for me.

    Thanks for such a funny post on a topic that is close to my heart!!

  13. I have no idea why you have not BURNED this book yet. Take that book out of his book pile IMMEDIATELY! You have no one to blame except yourself!! :-)

    Poor Seuss. Poor poor Seuss.

    (All of my Seuss books are in a box in a closet waiting for hell to freeze over before bringing them out.)

  14. You are so better than I.......I make them LOOK AT IT in the lamp light if we are past bedtime!


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