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Thursday, April 16, 2009

I Heart Gmail Spam!

Written by Quirkyloon

Gmail spam. 

My new-found love.

Lately, my gmail spam has been on. the. mark.

Check this out.

Don't worry. I know it's hard to see. Relax baby, Quirky is here to help you out by highlighting the pertinent gmail spam details.

First of all, a woman or a man by the name of
Hadwin is concerned for me. How very nice. He or she wants to know, "How is Your Life Working out For You?" Oh, Hadwin, how much time you got babe? I've got so much I'd love to share with you. And I have questions, baby, lots of questions.

Now the next gmail is just plain scary. I promise I don't know any
stanislav saltikov and what is up with this title? "Bhytpncknackar"? Wha? I'm suspicious that this might be of zombie origin. Just sayin'.

How did this happen? I got a gmail from the Military Education Benefits Department. Say what?
"Use Your GI Bill Before It Expires." Well. This is interesting. I've never served in the military and yet somehow I am still eligible to use "my" GI bill for my education? Groovy, baby. Can't wait.

Oh my gawsh. I can't believe it. This next gmail is the ONE I have been waiting for with bated breath.
"Movie Extras, Actors, & Models Needed Now!" I knew my time would finally come! I'm gonna be rich and famous, baby. I cannot wait! Hey, don't hate me, because I'm beautiful. Oh yeah. Move over Penelope Cruz, there's a new babelicious broad in town. (Quirky flings her hair a couple of times.)

Now if for some strange reason that modeling career does not pan out (I'm sure it will, but
just in case), check this gmail out. "Work at Home Typing $1,680+ weekly." Can you say yowza? Hey, I'm always typing either here at my blog or at your blogs commenting. I'm thinking a big, fat YES on this one. Just in case the modeling gig doesn't work out.


The next gmail makes me feel patriotic.
"FEDERAL AGENTS NEEDED! Help prevent terrorist attacks!" Oh, Osama Bin Laden will RUE the day Quirky is on board. Definitely. I have ways of making him talk. Then I'll be a quirky hero! "And they say that a hero could save us. I’m not gonna stand here and wait." Sing it, Chad!

How on earth did the
Beautiful Feet people know? Beautiful Feet - Show Your Toes Off In Public." 'Tis sad, but true. I need some pedi-help, desperately. I do want to show off my toes in public. Unfortunately, they are pretty scary right now. There is so much toe-jam stuck in-between them. I never realized that toe-jam stinks something awful!

Moving onto another wonderful gmail spam, oh, lucky me! This gmail promises easy work for great pay. And they say this economy is bad. Pfft.
"Easy 30Minute Job - Does fifty two grand for simple PT work interest you?" Um. Yeah, it does interest me. And now I am anxiously awaiting your reply.

Oh, this is a good one fellow bloggers. It is from
"Blog Blaster - How would you like to have your ad on 2 Million Websites?" Really? Little ole' could be on 2 million websites. Wow. This just makes me want to burst into song! Why fight it? "The blogs are alive with the posts of Quirky!"


This is so wonderful, isn't it?

Wait, wait, WAIT! How rude!
"Erase Your Wrinkles - Stop Living with Wrinkles." Well. Okay, so I have some lines, just a few faint ones. Fine. They are not so faint. Gah. No need to get all superficial on me, okay?

The next gmail is a mystery!
"(unknown sender) - Get paid to solve crimes." So if I can solve the mystery of who sent me the gmail then will I be hired to solve crimes? Me? A detective? (clucks tongue) This is even better than the modeling gig. I love being nosy and getting the dirt on people's business. Mmm-hmmm.

Last, but not least. Oh no! It's another gmail hater. All right consider myself reminded. So I have a chin hair issue. Gah.
"American Laser Centers - You could WIN $3,000 of Free Laser Hair Removal." I guess I'm not plucking fast enough. Sigh.

As you can see this gmail spam is turning out to be a good thing for me. I'm liking it. A lot. Yes, thank goodness for gmail spam. It looks like it will singlehandedly give me a new life with new hope (and new toe-jamless feet)! My new gmail spammed life will make my life a living

Groovy baby, totally groovy.


  1. now i don't feel very special. here i thought my friends were just sending these great tips to me.

    see you at PI school! or Fed training! or at the laser hair removal center...

  2. I hate all kinds of Spam mail....

  3. "I am Mr. Ming Yang,I have an obscured business
    suggestion for you. Yourservices will be paid"
    was my personal spam fave so far.


  4. Lucky for you they know how badly you need all this stuff. Maybe you could guest star along side Kieffer in an episode of 24 as a wrinkle -free-model/actress-Russian zombie-blog spawning- work at home-30 minute blow job giver- crime solving agent with a hairy body and horrible foot odor!

    THAT is an episode I would watch!

  5. Oh man I totally heart gmail too!!.. giggle the google chat feature allows me to IM peeps from both gmail and AIM while I'm at work! LOL not to mention its totally awesome spam filters!! If I could marry Gmail I would.. But would that mean that I would have live with Gmail's other half Google too? would that make me a polygamist?

  6. If only the spam delivered as promised, I would be thin, rich, sans wrinkles andliving with a stud.

  7. computer must filter out all that spam cuz I don't get anything that exciting, Quirky!! I guess I'll just have to live vicariously through you, girlfriend! ;-)

  8. O man...could you send me the wrinkle one :) My kid is causing all kinds...when will this madness stop! :)

  9. I keep getting "you won..." emails. Hmmm, do you think I can trust it?

  10. Well, like they say "there's one born every minute."

    Good luck with your career in the FBI!!!

  11. i wonder if being a federal agent pays well


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