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Thursday, January 8, 2009

Dudes and Coupons...

...a seriously toxic combination, those two.  Am I right?  Or what?

Let's just say up front that I gave him fair warning.  When your wife decides to start an online playground, you should play by wifey's rules or be threatened with being the subject of a post.  Wow. That sounded bitchy, huh?  Hey, nothing wrong with a little dramatics.


We've been involved in some organizing around this house like so many others across this great land of ours and our current projects have centered around our closets.  A good closet system is the answer to all of your organization prayers, I'm telling ya.  Just in case you didn't know.  

So when the love of my life was headed to the mecca of household bliss known as Bed, Bath and Beyond to return a couple of closet organizational pieces that didn't quite fit and pick up a few more, I ran to my coupon drawer (yep, my drawer devoted to coupons) and pulled out a stack of these:

I'm not sure exactly how to describe the look on my dude's face upon seeing the dreaded coupons come out.  I mean, after all of these years together, he knows me.  He gets it.  Coupons make my world go around just a little bit more smoothly.  I feel a sense of "Oh yeah, I'm beating the system, I'm saving a buck, I'm somehow winning in this whole crazy journey called life," and well, my dude?  He's all, "Holy crap.  She's standing there with the coupons again. Assaulting my manhood. Making me walk into a store with a literal mountain of papers screaming 'I need a discount on what I'm about to buy'."

So yeah, the look on his face is a combination of eye-rolling fear and dread and damn mixed with complete and utter love and understanding for his coupon-crazy wife.

Now, I'll grant him this.  The coupons for Bed, Bath and Beyond are HUGE. I mean, can they make them any bigger?They measure like 4" x 8" or something like that and  the numbers are all HUGE. They scream, "I WANT 20% off!" or maybe to him "I NEED 20% off!"  

So even though I see that familiar look on his face, I start explaining, "When you return these items, tell them you forgot the coupon the first time you were there and ask for the discount on the stuff we ARE going to keep. They're all cool with that. They totally allow that. And then when you buy the new stuff, you can use ALL of these because they totally let you do that even though they say they really don't and....and..."

And the dude replies, "Honey, really?  I'm not gonna do all that."

And as if I'm shocked by his reply, I'm all "Really?  Why not?"

"I don't want to deal with all of that, you know that. Plus how much are we really going to save with all of that hassle? Each item doesn't even cost that much so 20% off each little one doesn't even add up to that much."

I was prepared for that response so I pull out a brand new threat that has been percolating in my brain for moments just. like. this. 

I say, "If you don't take these coupons, this will be a topic I'm gonna write about on the blog."

It doesn't take him long to digest that one.  He says, "Okay."  

And walks out the door coupon-free.

I better start working on a new approach.


  1. LOL. one day he will learn that being the subject of a blog can be the worst punishement ever. bad husband for not taking the coupons. in these hard economic times its every little penny that can make the difference!!

  2. oh no... NOT the ending i was expecting. this one's got guts, i'll give him that much. my hubs would have been scared into submission with that threat. he is very vigilant in checking my blog for anything nice i have to say (and he really likes it when commenters give him compliments. how pathetic...). the other day, after finishing TWO home improvement projects in one day (whoo hoo!), he was so proud of himself and asked with this sad little innocent puppy face, "aren't you going to blog about what all i accomplished today?"... uh, don't hold your breath, hon.

    maybe the next threat should be, "i'm gonna make you go buy tampons AND use a coupon for them!"

  3. Holy cow! Husband with backbone! Unfortunately for you in this case, but impressive nonetheless. At least you followed through on your threat, so he knows you're not bluffing. Next threat you come up with will have that much more meaning to him!

    And I am soooo impressed with your coupon useage. I never have the nerve to ask the stores to do anything that is not explicitly specified on the coupon. Excellent work!

  4. psh MEN! What do they know? NOTHING! That's why they have us!

    Lucky for us, he chose to be a hilarious blog topic today/... Thanks Hubs!

  5. It's funny how God made us ...

    Coupons for women are such a positive sense of accomplishment and we feel so good when we remember to use them.

    For men ... it is an insult ... like they can't afford a product and they feel embarassed to use them.

    My hubby is the exact same way. He would have gone for the blog embarassment over the coupon embarassment too.

  6. My wife doesn't read my blog enough to give me that power. I wish I had your skills in coupon collecting. I never could get round to figuring out how to do it— though I do want to save money and all.

  7. Whan doesn't respond to the fear of being exposed on the blogsphere??? Is he crazy?

    But yeah. I get it. I understand and feel his pain. I am not so much a coupon gal. Bed and Bath? sure no prob...but The Husband wants to use them when we go out to EAT. Mortifying and not glamorous AT ALL.

  8. Too funny. My husband takes the coupons and then says "Oh, I forgot to use them." Does he really think I fall for that?

  9. When I started couponing, I would be so excited and ask "how much do you think I spent/saved". Husband would look at me with a bored expression on his face and throw out WAGs (wild ass guesses) like "you saved $1000", "you paid $.05". And he thinks I do it for fun, not to save money.

    Men can be idiots!

  10. I love coupons and after Luke realized how much we were saving over time because of my obsession he began to love them too. He won't think to use them on his own though...that's the next step in his husband training.

  11. That's freaking hilarious!

    I can totally see the V-man explaining to you why you wouldn't be saving that much money. What is really scary about all this is that Misty is the exact same way with coupons. She has a coupon folder though. There must be something genetic with women and coupons because my mom is like that too and so is my mom-in-law and practically every other woman I know. Our earliest female-ancestors must have had something in them that thought thriftiness and savings.

  12. All I have to say is "TYPICAL MAN". My littlest sis is just understanding the phrase "he's a man"! She's been married like 5 years now so it's sinking in.
    But after all is said & done we all still LOVE our "TYPICAL MAN"!!!

  13. I ALWAYS feel like I'm beating the system. Funny how those coupon people have brainwashed us..

    (I LOVE coupons......)

  14. I got a great laugh at the end of the post when he walked out. It could've been my husband..... totally. Doesn't give a rip about threats or saving a few bucks if it means he is inconvenienced. Men are such a different breed!! Gah!

  15. my husband does the" oh I forgot it," too, but he's not the sharpest tool in the shed, so I believe he did actually forget.

  16. Coupons are alien matter to me, 4 yr olds who call their parents servants, however, are just my thing :)))

  17. Snort.

    Now, see, in my house, I'm the one who is likely to go without coupons - I'm not even allowed to cut them out because I cut out the wrong ones for cryin' out loud.

    But if it's anything more than handing the stack to the cashier (i.e. actually talking?), Mr. Hot ain't doing it.

  18. And the dude replies, "Honey, really? I'm not gonna do all that."

    I say this very thing, but it sounds more like this: "no."

    I like your husband.

  19. I think we are the same person, married to the same man. That was freakishly familiar!!

  20. Men, you can't help but turn them into blog fodder:)
    Hi, btw!

  21. "He's all, "Holy crap. She's standing there with the coupons again. Assaulting my manhood. Making me walk into a store with a literal mountain of papers screaming 'I need a discount on what I'm about to buy'."

    This is just about perfect.


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