Let's just say up front that I gave him fair warning. When your wife decides to start an online playground, you should play by wifey's rules or be threatened with being the subject of a post. Wow. That sounded bitchy, huh? Hey, nothing wrong with a little dramatics.
We've been involved in some organizing around this house like so many others across this great land of ours and our current projects have centered around our closets. A good closet system is the answer to all of your organization prayers, I'm telling ya. Just in case you didn't know.
So when the love of my life was headed to the mecca of household bliss known as Bed, Bath and Beyond to return a couple of closet organizational pieces that didn't quite fit and pick up a few more, I ran to my coupon drawer (yep, my drawer devoted to coupons) and pulled out a stack of these:
I'm not sure exactly how to describe the look on my dude's face upon seeing the dreaded coupons come out. I mean, after all of these years together, he knows me. He gets it. Coupons make my world go around just a little bit more smoothly. I feel a sense of "Oh yeah, I'm beating the system, I'm saving a buck, I'm somehow winning in this whole crazy journey called life," and well, my dude? He's all, "Holy crap. She's standing there with the coupons again. Assaulting my manhood. Making me walk into a store with a literal mountain of papers screaming 'I need a discount on what I'm about to buy'."
So yeah, the look on his face is a combination of eye-rolling fear and dread and damn mixed with complete and utter love and understanding for his coupon-crazy wife.
Now, I'll grant him this. The coupons for Bed, Bath and Beyond are HUGE. I mean, can they make them any bigger?They measure like 4" x 8" or something like that and the numbers are all HUGE. They scream, "I WANT 20% off!" or maybe to him "I NEED 20% off!"
So even though I see that familiar look on his face, I start explaining, "When you return these items, tell them you forgot the coupon the first time you were there and ask for the discount on the stuff we ARE going to keep. They're all cool with that. They totally allow that. And then when you buy the new stuff, you can use ALL of these because they totally let you do that even though they say they really don't and....and..."
And the dude replies, "Honey, really? I'm not gonna do all that."
And as if I'm shocked by his reply, I'm all "Really? Why not?"
"I don't want to deal with all of that, you know that. Plus how much are we really going to save with all of that hassle? Each item doesn't even cost that much so 20% off each little one doesn't even add up to that much."
I was prepared for that response so I pull out a brand new threat that has been percolating in my brain for moments just. like. this.
I say, "If you don't take these coupons, this will be a topic I'm gonna write about on the blog."
It doesn't take him long to digest that one. He says, "Okay."
And walks out the door coupon-free.
I better start working on a new approach.