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Monday, November 17, 2008

Where are all of the distraught pregnant women??

You know all of those movie and television scenes you've seen over the years when a woman finds out she's pregnant and she reveals the news to her husband and they both hug and kiss and cry tears of utter joy and happiness? Well maybe you didn't but I saw ALL of those scenes. So when I found out I was pregnant with my first kid, I felt a bit out of sorts when my husband and I were crying tears of the "Oh shit, what have we done" kind instead of those blissful tears.

I was one of those women who was deathly afraid of becoming a mom but I knew in my head that at some point in my life I wanted a family.  It just never seemed like the right time to start.  Thank God I'm one of those women who gets pregnant when my man just looks at me (okay, slight exaggeration) 'cause if I had to have worked at it...I would be still childless I think.  

After half-hoping for a miscarriage (*gasp*, did she really just admit that??), I eventually surrendered to the truth that I was on my way to motherhood. (I mean, c'mon folks, I was just really, really scared.)  In my head I promised myself I wasn't going down without a fight.   And since I was THIS kind of prego lady, I desperately wanted the world to show me that I was not alone. But instead, along the way, as my belly grew and my need for maternity clothes became well, a necessity, all I saw were images like this:

All snazzy in a sharp black dress and yes, holding belly lovingly.

Wow, she feels so good, she shows off that belly and adds in 
a little happy kick!

Okay she's kicking in heels!  I can't do that when NOT prego.

I'm not sure this one even needs any words.

And these images scared the living sh#t out of me.  

Pregnancy seemed to mean joy and happiness and faith and life and excitement and new beginnings and time to partake in some happy jigs, but what about me?? Me?? ME?? 

I felt all... semi-distraught and well...fat.  Really.  A big butt had replaced well, my medium-sized one.  I was all butt and booby and hippy and well, you know, it's called being pregnant.  Even my Japanese dry-cleaning lady down the street said to me -  "How far along you? Nine months?"  "No," I sheepishly replied, "I'm six and half months."  To which she replied, "Oh, you big!"  (I have never quite forgiven her for that statement by the way.)

So all I'm wondering is, why can't someone come up with a catalogue for maternity clothes without these thin women standing there all glowing and rubbing their bellies and kicking their heels? There has simply GOT to be other women out there like me who have felt this way.  Am I right people?  

There could be normal women, who are not the thin-and-happy-with-a-perfectly-round-belly-type, sitting there with a scared, somewhat resigned look on their face modeling some basic clothes for pregos.    Is this too much to ask? There could even be little captions underneath talking about how hard it is to surrender your body to the life within.  About how the catalogue understands you're afraid of losing your life to some baby, and how if you only buy these particular maternity clothes, some of your anxiety would dissipate.  

I tell you, if I had come across a maternity catalogue like that, I would have been their number one customer.  And I would be singing their praises to every woman I know.  

So now that I'm out in the blogosphere reaching thousands of women around the world, can someone please tell me if something like this now exists?  


  1. psst...are you?

    Okay. That's out of the way.

    And face it, that's not going to happen, because that's not what retailers want us to focus on. They want the 14 year old girl who got pregnant with her second cousin's baby to feel like she, too, could wear that slinky black dress and kick up her heels and all would be right with the world.

    I was HUGE when I was pregnant. I was never cute, I never had that blissful glow (it's actually called sweat to normal people like you and I), and I cussed like a sailor everytime I had to get my fat arse out of a chair.

    You want to see distraught pregnant women? Stop looking in catalogs. Go to a shopping mall and look at REAL women. Go to a preschool where the moms are dropping off a 3 year old and expecting in 2 months.

    Those are the real women.

    And....I'm done now. ;) Sorry I rambled.

  2. Damn, if there had actually been those cute maternity clothes when I was first pregnant in 1996, I would have been kicking up my heels, too!

  3. Oh, and what's with the maternity Spanx?

  4. Oh yeah Sass - I love that going to a pre-school idea but with my first, I was so friggin' out of my mind, I think the pre-school would have thought I was like some weird stalker and I would have gotten myself arrested. The mall - I could have done that. Except I would have again been crouching behind some fake tree crying and I may have been hauled off to the looney bin. Yes, my mistake for leafing through ANY catalogues or parenting magazines because my REAL life answers were not to be found there.

    And psst....I'm not.

    I've just been pondering how my whole motherhood adventure began and this post came to mind...

    Three's enough for me.

  5. My gripe with maternity clothes are all the plunging necklines. Do they really think that I will feel sexy by showing off my enormous stretch-marked boobs?

    I too am only a parent because my husband looked at me once! We know we would like some more children, but can't bring ourselves to actually do it... I mean who wants to knowingly give up a good nights' sleep?

  6. LOL! I had some really cute maternity clothes while pregnant that cost a fortune, but I barely wore them because honestly, even though they were stylish, they just weren't comfortable. I mostly hung out in my pajamas and sundresses...or naked...that always worked well for me! LOL!

  7. Hey I found this awesome non-blog on Twittermoms, don't ask me what in the world I'm doing there, because I hate twitter, but whatever. And oh man, I was in the "maybe I'll have a miscarriage club" too. I know, people are throwing eggs at their computer screen right now. Well keep throwing, because that's where I was. I'm still trying to figure out how I got pregnant. But anyway, I'm with Kristy, go naked. Oh, and I can't believe you were responsible for Emergency 911, I loved that show! Too funny.

  8. I wanna see the picture of the preggo mom sprawled out on the couch. I was most comfortable sitting on the couch with my legs spread out and slouched like a trucker- so sexy.

  9. I was broke and living with my boyfriend who became my first husband later one...heck no did not want a kid at that time...and could not afford preggy hand me downs..and let me tell you..they were ugly as he**....and I lost my skinny 100 pound body (at the time) and grew and grew and then on top of it had to wear fat clothes...all at about not my first like all of my kids..was and is worth all the pain of getting fat and wearing terrible clothes for a few months! :)


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