The Art of Letting Go

Written by Amy, a mom without a blog

It is an art and it happens to be one with which I struggle. A lot.

My husband has had a life’s dream of owning a motorcycle and he has just realized this dream. Yes ... he is the proud owner of a new motorcycle.

I am not supportive of this decision and I just can’t hide my non-support (as hard as I may try).

In one weekend, I went through so many emotions and self-talk, I was beginning to think I might have a mild case of Schizophrenia. What I was thinking and what I was actually saying to my husband were polar opposites.

First off, let’s just get the safety topic crossed off the list. I know many of you are thinking “NO – it’s not safe – he’s a dad – what is he thinking?” For whatever reason I really can’t explain, safety is not one of my issues. I don’t know why. It just isn’t. If it were, then I think I might have a leg to stand on. But really, I have faith. I trust him and I just can’t climb aboard the “motorcycles aren’t safe" soapbox.

So what are my issues? That’s where I run into a problem.

My issues are irrational (in my mind). I would never, ever spend money on an extravagant toy like that. I wouldn’t. I’m conservative and I like to save and to me the motorcycle represents a big, giant toy. That for me is the core issue. I can't get past it. It represents a big, giant toy for an adult man. I can not relate AT ALL.

But I am arguing with myself for many reasons …

Firstly, he works incredibly hard and makes incredible money. I have had the luxury of staying home ever since my babies were born and I am so grateful for this every single day. He supports our family and gives his entire life to supporting us. Shouldn’t that earn him a toy or two along life’s journey?

Secondly, if the tables were turned and I wanted anything at all in this world, I know to the depths of my soul my husband would support me unequivocally and encourage me. Especially if I was pursuing a life’s dream – especially that. Why can't I do the same for him? Why? 

Even when I try - the resentment, the bitchiness, the mean side of me leaks out. I am behaving the exact opposite of how I want to behave. When it seemed buying the motorcycle was about to become a reality, I wanted so much to be excited for him. To ask him what color motorcycle he wanted. To ask him about an upcoming trip up the coast of California he’s been dreaming about. Support. A little encouragement. That’s all he wanted from me and I couldn’t give it to him.

I was trying to control him into behaving how I think he should behave and in my ripe old age, I should know by now that it’s impossible to control another person. Just ask any parent. Impossible.

So, why this need for control? I’m not really sure. I just know that my mind and my life would be a much calmer, peaceful, more blissful place, if I could improve on the art of just letting go.

Love Lives Go On

Written by Sandie, aka Quirkyloon

"Oh no, no, no, no, no, nooo! Don't talk that way, Hon."

"It's okay. I really wouldn't want you to be without someone."

"I can't think about that. I just know I wouldn't remarry. I don't want another wife."

(Nice touch.)

"Oh, Hon. Don't think that way. You're still relatively young and it could be a long, long time before your time is up."

"No, I know myself. I just couldn't."

"Stop it! I want you to. You. Should. Get. Remarried. Just make sure she has a good heart and will love the boys."

"I can't think about this. And it's not going to happen for a long time."

"Let's hope not, but in case it does, I want you to know I'm okay with it. I want you to be happy."

"Well, maybe I would join LDSsingles."

"Oh?"

Well, that didn't take too much arm twisting did it? Took about what? Two minutes?

"Yeah, I know some men who have used that service after their wives passed on."

"Well then, would you like me to register you? Set up your profile? Shall we look at some potential partners together?"

We both laughed.

I'm still laughing.

This was a conversation that my husband and I had back in April or May of 2007. At the time, I was beginning treatment for two different types of cancer. They were two primary cancers, meaning that one did not spread to the other area. I really thought I had one foot in the grave (wouldn't you?) and I had reconciled myself to it. I was not going without a fight, but I knew that cancer definitely had the upper hand.

Needless to say, I kicked her cancerous butt to the curb!

I've been in remission for over a year.

But I still like to bring up the whole LDSsingles.com thingy with the Hubs.

And we still chuckle and laugh about it.

Thank goodness he is technologically challenged and depends on ME to steer him around the interwebz.

He hasn't figured out the little tool I have: View, Explorer Bar, History. I can see exactly where he has been on the internet. I've never even checked it out. (Honest!) Okay, once I accidentally did check up on him.

How was it accidental? Well, I was trying to find a website where I had been two days earlier and then noticed some strange urls, so I clicked and sure enough I knew it had to be my husband. It was all about gardening and compost tea recipes!

Gag.

I do trust him.

But who knew Internet Explorer could potentially provide a source of comfort?

Not that I'm the jealous type.

Really.

I'm not.

But I do admit that I did make up a list of women whom he could not even consider marrying. You know acquaintances, divorced or single women we know right now. He rolled his eyes at me, but he agreed to it. (Darn better!) I've laminated the list and put it in the safety deposit box, along with our other important documents, so he won't forget. As long as he doesn't renege on this agreement, I won't be turning over in my grave.

It's so nice to know that when my time comes?

My soul will feel comfort and peace.

As long as she's not cuter or skinnier than me!

Ha!