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Friday, March 5, 2010

Conversations with my Kid - On Flatulence and Motherhood

Written by Amy, a Mom Without a Blog

Forgive me Father for I have… farted.

So the other night...I was with my kids at Family Service Night. It’s really a great thing. All the school families are invited to come together one evening after dinner to complete service projects for neighboring charities. My kids go to a Catholic school and this happens to be one of the things I love about their school. A focus on giving and serving others …

We arrived early and while standing in the courtyard waiting for the instructions for the evening, the priest spotted me and walked over and began a conversation.

Nothing big. We were making small talk when it happened.

I farted.

I didn’t mean to fart.

It just slipped out.

It was silent, but very potent.

So, my 7-1/2-year-old daughter standing nearby says rather loudly, “I smell pumpkin.”

My face is now turning a fluorescent shade of pumpkin, apparently to match the smell of my fart.

The priest said, “Pumpkin? You smell pumpkin in March?”

The principal who was standing about five feet from my daughter says to her, “Georgia, you smell pumpkin?”

I see a nearby table with treats of cookies and fruit. Thinking quickly on my feet, I tell a boldfaced LIE in front of the priest and say, “Maybe it’s the fruit you smell.”

Inside I’m dying. What I really wanted to say was, “You mean, you smell rotten pumpkin.”

I thought about this little scene for some time afterwards. I had my 2nd grade daughter, the priest of our parish, and the principal of the school all talking about my pumpkin fart.

Now how many people can say they’ve ever pulled off a feat quite like that before?


HA HA HA! How can I thank my gorgeous friend Ames enough for sharing this truly unique "Conversation with my Kid." I would have never been able to contribute in this way because uh, I don't fart.

If YOU have a "Conversation with my Kid" you would like to share, copy and paste your post's link into Mr. Linky below and I'd love to come check it out!

Happy Friday!


  1. Hilarious! And so embarassing at the same time! Not a feat I'd like to compete with! haha

  2. Oh good. It isn't just me. Unfortunately, at three years old my daughter is all to familiar with our farts and appears to be able to distinguish Mama Farts from Papa Farts with a high degree of reliability.

  3. That's hilarious! I have three boys and they so would have known exactly what was going on and would have shouted something like, "Gross! Mom did you fart because it wasn't me!"

  4. Thank you thank you thank you Amy - this is great! A great chuckle to start the day! You're so lucky that this was one of the 'silent but deadly' sorts - you probably couldn't face volunteering for awhile if the principal and parish priest HEARD as well as smelled the pumpkin! And Georgia would have for sure pointed it out for EVERYONE to hear.... whew, close one! :)

  5. i imagine the number of hail marys you had to do doubled for both lying and farting. lethal combo!

    my boys are so disgusting, they would have probably tried to claim it as their own. they are weirdly proud of their prolific gas-making.

    funny story. especially since it didn't involve me!

  6. My little one made up a fart joke.

    Knock, Knock?
    Who's there?
    Hoof Who?
    Hoof Arted!

  7. I am seriously laughing so hard picturing this that I am crying! GREAT POST! HILARIOUS! It was so fun doing lunch today but was not enough time. Love ya!

  8. That is hysterical!! Oh my goodness!! I cannot believe you managed to get out of that without being totally humiliated. I would have had to run from the room with my head in my hands.

  9. Oh Ames. You know I love this story. Whenever I need a good laugh, I'm heading over here to read your story.


  10. awesome. farts are always funny, and lying to a priest also funny.

  11. Unfortunately I am falling right in line with Cristin....almost a motto at our house....farts ARE funny. I am not sure I would have had the nerve to tell on myself however!!! I tell John that if we are out somewhere he is going to have to take one for the team. Thanks for the laugh


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