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Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Aging Gracefully?

Written by Deb

I remember very clearly being in such a big hurry to turn 40. So much so, from the time I turned 35, I would round up and tell people I was "approaching 40." I even subscribed to that magazine specifically for the over 40 set,
More, when I was only 38 (I know, I am such a rule breaker. Or just really, really stupid.).

Looking back, I don't know what the rush was (duh), but I think I was under the severely misguided impression that I would somehow magically morph into Sela Ward or Andie McDowell. And let's not forget that stupid Oprah was running around, claiming that turning 50 was the cure for all of life's woes, from insecurity to world hunger. I was desperate to catch up!

So here I am, firmly entrenched in my 40's, and will confess that I am feeling a bit betrayed... both by Oprah and my own body. I guess if I were to look at myself objectively, I can see some minor improvement on the psychological front. I'm a little more mature than I used to be, which I suppose has its advantages. I no longer dig the drama that used to invigorate me. I don't feel bitter about having to make my bed every day. I even use a crock-pot and am not ashamed to admit it. So that's all good, right?


This list of products I have to use to keep my under-eye bags in check is growing exponentially. I need a de-wrinkler, a de-puffer, a deflector, a concealer, a corrector, foundation, and powder and I still look tired.

There is a four-way grudge match going on between my wrinkles, my pimples, my freckles and my rogue skin tags.

I have been catching myself talking to the TV, saying things like, "I know!", "That's right!", and "Amen!"

I have uttered the words, "Kids these days," and meant it.

I found myself admiring the hearing aids that Lee Majors endorses. They do seem very discreet, and I like how the batteries recharge in that cute little box.

My mind has one foot out the door.

I have all these unexplained aches and pains.

Those pesky 5 extra pounds I need to lose like to disguise themselves as 20.

I am collecting pets and I don't feel weird about it.

But, I guess the good news is my bladder seems to be holding up pretty well, and I don't have any urge to go get my hair 'set'.

And the best news of all? I still love to laugh. Thank God for small blessings, right?


  1. You're hilarious!! I did just pick up a copy of More (38 here) - great minds? I have to admit, it made me feel slightly undersexed and unhip. Do I really need the older crowd making me feel old now?

    Heehee - like how you worked in rogue. The word of the week?

    And I totally thought Lee Majors was dead. Hm, learn something new every day.

  2. Okay lady. I subscribe to More (I'm 36). I'm with Em. I too thought the Six Million Dollar Man had joined the Bucket List.

    AND when I think Crock-pot I see country blue birds and flowers scrolled along the beige side of it:) I'm so glad they have stainless steel now! It's the new hip mom thing to do.

    You rock no matter how many wrinkles you have:)

  3. I am 38(almost 39 and I can say that cuz i am seriously Dec 18th i will be 39 LOL) and feel 48 well at least what i think 48 would feel like...
    I think wrinkles give us character, thats what i say to my crows feet everytime i look in the mirror!

    Deb You totally rock!

  4. Hee hee! I just let my two-year long subscription to More lapse. I got tired of all the ladies with Botox (except for Jamie Lee Curtis) whose tagline was, "This is what 48 looks like".
    Other than that, I can relate to everything you've described. I rocked it in my early 40's but at age 45 my body and face got the memo.

  5. Maybe I'm still cool and hip - I've never heard of MORE magazine and I am in my early 40's. Or maybe it's just another reminder of how "out of it" I am.

    And if all your pets are as cute as Sassafras, keep collecting!

    I have yet to find the weapon for winning the war against "old age" eye challenges.

  6. Ha! I just realized the lighting is REALLY bad in my bath room, because I was in my daughter's bathroom yesterday "borrowing" her hair dryer that used to be mine and brush that used to be mine when I got a little too close to the mirror! "Hey! There's those pesky eyebrow hairs I thought I plucked this morning!" Oh my, and the age spots were VERY prevalent, and some interesting, unexplained bumps were highlighted that look like they are here to stay. The lighting in her bathroom is MUCH too good. I'll stick with mine, thank you very much!
    And skin tags, Deb - yikes! I so feel your pain. Thank God you stuck with the face and personality quirks, because I'm not ready to admit my 42 year old, veiny, bumpy legs are not going away any time soon either!
    Thanks for the great laugh this morning, Deb - cheers to getting older as "gracefully" as realistically possible!

  7. Oh, and while I am thinking about it, what about those strange facial hairs that appear out of nowhere? What is that about anyway? I'll be scratching my face and come across a one inch or longer stray hair. And the "moustache." Really? On a woman? Thank goodness for tweezers facial hair remover creams!

  8. That should be "tweezers AND facial hair remover cream."

  9. I'm only 36 (I know, just a pup) and my collection of products is astounding.

    You're collecting pets? I got one for ya. Let me know when you want her, I'll ship her right out.

  10. Oh Deb, you have been reading my mind.

    I'm sorry to say this, but I honestly think life after 40 PHYSICALLY SUCKS!!!! Now, psychologically speaking, I think I'm with ya. Other than forgetting what I did yesterday, I feel much more at peace with my mind than in my younger years. But the body aging? It's been an oh, so painful change.

  11. I am right at the beginning of collecting these products. Sounds like I need to add some more.

  12. I went into forty kicking and screaming and I'm still not "over it'. Yeah, yeah, I'm more mature, big deal... well, maybe not ever mature.

  13. I just turned 50 two weeks ago and 50 comes with the best attitude yet. I simply just don't care. I can now say "I'm so old I just don't care" I'm going to need to be very careful how often I say this. It's so much fun LOL.

  14. Oprah... Anyone can be happy when they're a billionaire.

  15. I'm going with Under the Influence here, I've never even heard of "More" magazine. And while I'd like to believe that makes me young and hip, I think it actually confirms how out of touch I am.

    Speaking of hip, I am so NOT hip. I don't have any "hip" in me (besides my actual hips...)

    I think there is definitely some irony (and CRUELTY) to getting better psychologically and deteriorating so drastically physically. Not fair, man. Not fair.

    PS....A checker at the grocery store recently thought I was 51!!! (I am 41!!!). Any recommendations for good eye cream, Deb? ;-)

  16. I HEAR YA! She says after turning up her hearing aids

  17. OW! I say I'm pushing 50--I'm 47. I don't know what MORE is either. Physically, the aging is harder. Mentally, I'm not as concerned about being "in-style" or whether my socks are the exact hue as whatever I'm matching them --love the I'm old and I don't care line, AudreyO. I'm sure I'll be judciously using that one! :)

  18. I must say I'm happy for you. Especially about that working bladder part. Me, not so much. Well, until last week. 'Course that's not from age, in my case, it's from children. They get you coming and, um, going.

  19. Further proof that God is a man.....


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