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Saturday, August 15, 2009

Some life before blogging....

Written by Lee

Something is in the air in my world.  Some shift is happening. 

Maybe the marine layer sticking around too late in a So Cal summer has something to do with it, maybe it's the way my emotional cells are being rearranged watching my summer babies grow and change before my eyes, and maybe it's just the result of a feeling soul living another day in this world and it's just what is always happening but now I've taken a moment to sit back for a second and actually pay attention

Yeah, pay attention. To the slow turn of the earth and the skin on all of us that stretches just a little bit more each and every day in all kinds of directions. 

And so I'm a little filled with thought.

On a lazy Saturday afternoon filled with everything and nothing, I went through a couple of boxes from our move over a year ago to start the process of feeling more organized for the looming school year.  In one of the boxes sat a journal of sorts or more like a notebook filled with unlined pages and quite a few handwritten pages tucked into it. Things I had written over the last seven years as I existed in some state of being pregnant or just giving birth and everything in between.  I have not written that much- just enough when I had a moment to feel something.  And then to write about it.

One of the pages I had written spoke to me today.  Maybe it's because of this shift I feel right now. Here it is:

July 4, 2007 -------

Who would've thought that when I first put pen to paper to reflect on becoming a mother that I would be sitting here staring at a SON - our third child - our Tommy. The decision to arrive here was not an easy one - just like with the first. But actually even  this time the decision was different. We already had our two beautiful girls - life was filled with blessings. Practically it didn't make much sense to venture out into the land of a third kid - we had a lot of things up in the air as we always do - but V and I talked a lot about taking this step and again we took the faithful route instead of the fearful one and here we are - with no regrets whatsoever.

I'm in awe of your beautiful face Tommy as you lay in your bouncy chair in the shade beneath my legs and chair on the worn deck of this rental house in Santa Monica. Yet another thing we've been faithful about or at least trying to be - as we build a new house basically to take care of our growing family. How we will get to the end I am not sure, but I haven't been sure of much logistically since we started this journey of parenthood but God provides somehow someway gently leading us along this path - and we follow....

But it kind of is keeping with what I believe that life is about movement - moving through things not just staying stagnant or comfortable....just keep walking through filling life with experience and relationships and memories and feelings...definitely not things.  Things should really only be used to facilitate the feelings and experiences.

So here we are...yet again staring straight into the very meaning of life. To create life and treasure it and nurture it and watch it grow.

21 comments:

  1. A very touching journal entry.

    (wish my journal read like a flowing well structured novel.)

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  2. I remember standing in the shower, right after finding out I was pregnant with Youngest, thinking -"what the hell are we doing spinning this wheel of furtune AGAIN!?" - and that was only for #2.

    I envy parents who weigh the pros and cons, but still have the sense of adventure and faith to make the leap. Good choice my dear. Very good choice.

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  3. I'm very much with you on the movement of life thing... I used to wait to feel settled, like everything had finnally fallen to place.. and now I enjoy the falling, and hope it never stops...

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  4. I totally spelled finally wrong.

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  5. Isn't it amazing how something so little can make you think so big?

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  6. You are so able to articulate your feelings so well, it always lifts me whenever I read your stories. Moving forward with faith is important as well as living in the moment. Finding a balance between the two has always been hard for me. It is so hard to move out of comfortable; I feel that I need to push myself forward.

    Good post. As always. I always look forward to reading Moms w/out Blogs.

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  7. Well said! Life is about movement.

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  8. Oh change, exciting but terrifying all at the same time.

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  9. as a good friend of mine would say... DUDE!

    listen, here is what i love about you (or one of the things anyway), for better or for worse, you take life like it is a big ol sponge filled with water and you wring the hell out of it. you've got your head screwed on straight, girlfriend.

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  10. Lee that was great! You are an excellant writer! And honest, I love that...keeps you real. Hope you are able to get all your organizing done, and more writings from the past! Have a great week!
    NLSM

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  11. Keep on movin' and shakin' Lee. I will try to remind myself to do the same.

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  12. What a lovely post. Truly. =)

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  13. Beautiful post, Lee. I'm so glad to have met you and look forward to more posts!

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  14. This is perfect and beautiful Lee. I love it.

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  15. I just love it when you can get advice from YOURSELF from the past. Er, future...oh heck you know what I mean right?

    Beautiful post. Lovely.

    ~M

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  16. What Deb said. I just love you. Thank you for making me think and inspiring me.

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  17. You are so wonderful. You are so insightful and real and wise and and and

    Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

    Thanks so much for the call.

    Miss you.

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  18. yes yes YES!!!!!!! (and no, I didn't just orgasm, I am just agreeing with enthusiasm!)

    Now why dont you move your ass to The Grove tonight and meet me for dinner?

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  19. "...definitely not things. Things should really only be used to facilitate the feelings and experiences."

    Amen:)

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  20. Oh you my friend are such a gift to our planet.

    Loved the journal entry and love you more!

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