Written by Lee
Something is in the air in my world. Some shift is happening.
Maybe the marine layer sticking around too late in a So Cal summer has something to do with it, maybe it's the way my emotional cells are being rearranged watching my summer babies grow and change before my eyes, and maybe it's just the result of a feeling soul living another day in this world and it's just what is always happening but now I've taken a moment to sit back for a second and actually pay attention.
Yeah, pay attention. To the slow turn of the earth and the skin on all of us that stretches just a little bit more each and every day in all kinds of directions.
And so I'm a little filled with thought.
On a lazy Saturday afternoon filled with everything and nothing, I went through a couple of boxes from our move over a year ago to start the process of feeling more organized for the looming school year. In one of the boxes sat a journal of sorts or more like a notebook filled with unlined pages and quite a few handwritten pages tucked into it. Things I had written over the last seven years as I existed in some state of being pregnant or just giving birth and everything in between. I have not written that much- just enough when I had a moment to feel something. And then to write about it.
One of the pages I had written spoke to me today. Maybe it's because of this shift I feel right now. Here it is:
July 4, 2007 -------
Who would've thought that when I first put pen to paper to reflect on becoming a mother that I would be sitting here staring at a SON - our third child - our Tommy. The decision to arrive here was not an easy one - just like with the first. But actually even this time the decision was different. We already had our two beautiful girls - life was filled with blessings. Practically it didn't make much sense to venture out into the land of a third kid - we had a lot of things up in the air as we always do - but V and I talked a lot about taking this step and again we took the faithful route instead of the fearful one and here we are - with no regrets whatsoever.
I'm in awe of your beautiful face Tommy as you lay in your bouncy chair in the shade beneath my legs and chair on the worn deck of this rental house in Santa Monica. Yet another thing we've been faithful about or at least trying to be - as we build a new house basically to take care of our growing family. How we will get to the end I am not sure, but I haven't been sure of much logistically since we started this journey of parenthood but God provides somehow someway gently leading us along this path - and we follow....
But it kind of is keeping with what I believe that life is about movement - moving through things not just staying stagnant or comfortable....just keep walking through filling life with experience and relationships and memories and feelings...definitely not things. Things should really only be used to facilitate the feelings and experiences.
So here we are...yet again staring straight into the very meaning of life. To create life and treasure it and nurture it and watch it grow.