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Friday, May 1, 2009

A New Horizon OR It's Time to Change my Underwear

Written by Lee
Everywhere I go I see them.  

Mothers bending over at the park to scoop up their toddlers. Moms in the mall bending down to dig some fishy crackers out from the basket under their stroller. Mamas around the neighborhood squatting down to pet a friendly dog or to pick up the morning paper.  

Sneaking out from those damn low-rise jeans.

Thong underwear.  

And not just your standard basic comfy cotton thong, I'm talking like black or red or fuschia or flowered or zebra-striped and shiny-silky and often lacy.  Yes, lacy. 

And I'm all, huh?

Now if you read my post last week, you might remember that I admitted actually laying out in the sun in a bikini thong in public.  But I was in my mid-20's and my body had not yet been subjected to the trauma that growing, sustaining and then pushing out a few kids does.

So I've had my thong wearing days, bikini and otherwise, but right about now it feels like a oh, so distant memory.  It's waaaayyyy back there buried with what it felt like to sleep through the night. But I'm starting to feel it's time to challenge myself to wrap my brain around the remote possibility that getting my fat ass into a pair of thong underwear will actually help me feel, well, um, like a shadow of my former self.

And really what's so wrong with feeling like a shadow?  Shadows are kinda cool, kinda mysterious, kinda sexy.  Am I right?

Yeah, I'll start with the being a shadow and I'll go from there.

You see, ever since I suffered through that eternal death-defying 36-hour-labor of my firstborn nearly seven years ago, my desire to slip on a pair of thongies has evaporated along with my desire to look at my naked ass in a mirror in broad daylight.  Not like I used to stare at my naked ass in broad daylight all the time BEFORE kids, it's just that if I caught a glance of it I could tolerate the image.  Now, notsomuch.

And something about all of the hoohah that happens down there during and after you birth a child, well, it just has made me less interested in slipping on a tiny string of cloth across my hoohah.  (Which I NEVER call hoohah by the way. Creative license okay?)

Over the past seven years, my body has expanded and morphed into a baby-making station three times.  And I still have a 22-month-old lil' dude sucking the life out of me through my nipples.  So my body still feels like it belongs to someone else.  It's on loaner, as my dear friend says.  Yep, that says it about right.  And while it's in this loaner/loner state, wearing your basic cotton DKNY beige basic underwear feels like the right mood underwear.

So what's wrong with me?  I see mamas who have pushed out babies six months ago and less and THEY are back to the thong life already.  What gives?  


I wish I could be one of those moms cooing at their infant wearing low-rise jeans and feeling all sexay with my black, lacy, thong underwear showing above my jeans for all to see.  It's like a sign to the world that it's all cool down there.  I'm feeling like my old self again. I'm ready for some lovin' action.  Push out a baby?  Yeah, whateves.

But for me?  It's been a whole hell of a lot more than whateves.

Sometime between the first birth and now, in the middle of the night somewhere, I feel like I've lost a real part of myself.  The part of me that was confident in my body image.  The part of me that was comfortable in my skin.  The part of me that could strut my stuff on the sand in a bikini thong.

And I'm feeling like I want a part of that me back.

Not like I'll ever look the same.  I know I won't.  It's not possible.  Really.  I know that. But I think I can get back a bit of a the thong attitude, you know?  I think it's in there somewhere and it's time I start coaxing it back out.  

I think it'll be good for me.  It's actually quite essential. For the soul.

Yeah, I'm starting my own personal take-back-the-thong movement.  

And with summer dawning and my third (and last) baby on the verge of turning two-friggin'-years-old already, I'm feeling it's about damn time.  

Long live the thong.


  1. I had a friend that wore a thong throughout her entire pregnancy.

    She cheered when they made thong-shaped pantiliners.

    And I just shook my head.

    To me, though, it's like what you're saying. It's not so much about wearing the's about being the girl you used to be who WANTED to wear it.

    Let's get our groove back, Lee!

    Long live the thong!!!!

  2. I'm afraid if I wore a thong it would get lost in my massive rear and I would never find it... and that just isn't sanitary...

  3. It's all about "dress for the position you want." Start wearing the sexy thong and maybe you'll FEEL sexy. Not like I actually do this, but it sounds good, right?

  4. Ack. Sass took the words right out of my keyboard.

    Long live the thong!

    heh heh

    Personally..I don't thong..never have. But if that's what you want...go for it!

    I prefer my long-johns! Ha!

  5. can you please put this off until august? i really need you to feel bad about your body for a while longer. pretty please... for me? remember, you don't want to make me mad!

    seriously, i get it. whether you were a "thong" person or a "skirt" person or a "heels" person... it's easy to let it go. so easy. too easy. i could launch into a whole thing about those skinny thong moms with the young babies probably are selfish and aren't as giving as the rest of us, but that would just be making excuses for us. why not be a good and present mom AND sport a thong?

  6. I might be the only one, but I don't get the thong. At all. I don't find them comfortable, or practical. But then again, that's just me, maybe...

    And I know of what you speak regarding losing yourself when you have kiddies. I'm just starting to try getting a sliver of myself back, and my kids are now 11 and 14 years of age. Huge thing, having children.

  7. i could have written this post, after kids things are just so different. i swear, go get some hanky pankys...they are lacy, they are comfortable + they are thongs. they are perfect.

  8. Sassy said it for me too. I used to be a thong girl - maybe i do just need to get my head back in the game (well, and my giant behind!)

    Love live the thong...

  9. I nearly choked on my lunch reading Kel's comment...too funny girl.

    I'll admit it (cuz we are all family here), but I am an avid thong wearer. I haven't worn anything else in at least 12 years (and yes, even through my pregnancies). It's not necessarily to feel sexy, it's just that regular panties always rode up my ass into that crevice anyway, you know? So the undies might as well start there.

    I so get your point, though, Lee. It's really not all about the undies, it's feeling like a desirable, sexy woman again. Our bodies are definitely never the same, but I do think that over time we get comfortable in our own skin again.

    Your BEAUTIFUL body, my friend (and it IS truly beautiful--no matter what you think), has single-handedly (almost) brought three gifts from God into this world. Then it nourished them with the most perfect food ever. Your body is a beautiful, freakin' miracle!!

    As for feeling "sexy" again... I think you wear whatever makes you feel sexy and feminine underneath. Maybe it's a thong, or maybe it's just a pretty bra. Sexy, like being a supermom is "simply just a state of mind" ;-)

  10. Have you tried boy-short style? My hubs asked me to ban the thong and buy only these cute numbers from now on - way more comfortable. Wait a minute? Is that a good thing?

    Pair them with a pretty bra, and there you go - instant sexy without the wedgie.

    And seriously Sass, they make thong-shaped pantiliners?

  11. OMG - Lee - you've done it again. Great post.

    I have to say that I only do the thong thing to avoid panty lines. I do not go for the "let me show you my whole backside with my crazy print thong sticking out and that way you'll think I'm sexy." As a matter of fact, is that sexy at all????? Not to me.

    Really. Is it?

    P.S. I loved Kath's comment. "Thonging is just a state of mind!" I'll just have to achieve that state through my mind and not through my thong.

  12. I wear a thong for two reasons:

    1) I hate panty lines.
    b) I spent half my day pulling my undies out of my butt, I figured why not just start my day with them up there in the first place?

    (and yes, they make thong shaped panty liners.)

    (and I wish SPANX would make a thong)

  13. I'm cool with the thong...just keep that thing in your pants. I hate the whale tail...No whale tail!

  14. When you find one that doesn't make you feel like it's ripping your a$$ apart, let me know, okay? Because even at forty-freakin'-six, I love to rock a thong (okay, so Mr. Hot loves when I can rock a thong.)

    I would settle for clothes fitting appropriately these days(you know, no extra bulges;) and no boogers on my shirt. Or bits of food. Or...well you get the point!

  16. No thong for me. I just push them out of the way when I dig through the unders drawer for my grandma panties. I should probably just throw them out, but I think I'm holding on to a body dream that isn't returning. Ever. Sigh.

    While reading this, I remembered the most recent nie post (do you read her?) About femininity and feeling that beauty even when you look different. She amazes me. I'm not there yet, that's for sure. Feeling pretty simply because my insides are a pretty creature. hmmmm. Working on it :)

  17. I have an ass that has no business being within a country mile of a thong and's all I wear. And if they ride up above my pants, so be it. Although, if you can see my thong, you will also be getting a pretty good view of the muffin top which is not so pretty. Come to think of it, I need to lose the muffin top. It's time. thanks for this! Love the blog!

  18. I'm with Heather. I still have thongs, and I push them out of the way...they CREATE the bulges Becca is talking about! Em's got it...boy shorts and cheekies are where it's at.

    But, I'm with you on the bring the "sexay" back into your, well, your SELF. I haven't even HAD children, and I'm mourning the loss of knees with no droopy elephant skin and the thighs with no cottage cheese. It's time to step it up a notch--TBTT Movement here I come!

  19. thongs, mmmm....I crossed over to thong land a while back, and it was liberating. However, I do perfer comfort and quickly lost the thong. It just wasn't practical anymore. But go get em girly, even if only for a is to short to wonder what if! But I must say, even bikini's make you feel like your old self again. :)

  20. Thong, thong thong, thong thong. Yeah someone needs to invent the front-only-thong. Just a small patch that pasteys on. Wopuld prevent the plumbers thong.

  21. Uhhhhh, when I'm having regular sex (or are hoping to have it) I'm all about the thong. If not, I'm all about the Not Thong.


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