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Monday, April 13, 2009

Missing Boy Alert

Written by Kath

I was wondering if you could all help me out with something. 

It seems as if my oldest child, my son, has gone missing. I’m not sure of the exact time he left, but I can’t find him anywhere. Maybe if I describe him, you can tell me if you’ve seen him around.

Eleven years ago, my sweet boy entered this world. After 12 hours of labor and 4 strong pushes, he single-handedly changed my world forever. He made me a mother and my life has never been the same since. Those early days together were certainly no picnic. The transition to motherhood was not an easy one for me. But we persevered.

When he was 6 weeks old he flashed his first real toothy grin at yours truly. It was the first time in my life that I thought my heart would literally burst from my chest and explode. Never before had I felt such love. It was amazing.

As he grew, we became the best of buddies. During our daily walks he would point out things he noticed. The tiny flowers growing at the base of the trees. The funny shape of clouds. The butterflies flitting in the garden.

I never knew I had been missing so much.

We loved trips to the zoo. We’d sit on a bench eating our favorite snack of "Chicken In A Biskit" while we watched the raccoon jump from tree to tree. Then we’d cruise over to the petting zoo where he could sit on a real (REAL!) John Deere tractor.  Wow!

But our favorite thing to do was to pack a lunch and head out in search of a construction site. We’d sit and munch and discuss all things construction-ish. He taught me the difference between a crawler back-hoe and a front-loader back-hoe (yep, there is a difference). We clapped with utter joy when a large dump truck would dump its load. The sound was phenomenal!

After five years, my boy went on to all-day kindergarten and my world was rocked a bit. I missed our time together. I haven’t admitted this to many people (but we’re all family here, so what the heck).  I would find excuses to run errands at just the very time he’d be out on the playground at recess. Yes, I would stalk my own child just to get a glimpse of him. I missed him that deeply.

Even with school, though, our bond continued. There were hugs and kisses at the end of the school day with lengthy discussions of everything that happened in his little life. I was there through the sports and scouts, cheering him on, being his number one fan.

But lately, I can’t seem to find my boy. 

In his place, someone new has moved into our house. A complete stranger, really. This new boy isn’t fond of washing his hair. He’s sporting a smattering of pimples across his nose. After a particularly strenuous baseball practice when this boy gets in the car, it gets a little “gamey” (if you catch my “drift”). Windows are rolled down quickly for a gasp, er - breath of fresh air.

Without a doubt, the most difficult part of this new boy is that he thinks I’m a complete idiot. The eye-rolling and exasperated sighs in response to most anything I say (for instance, “Did you finish your math homework?”) is shocking to me. At times, he gets so frustrated explaining something to me (a real simpleton, I am!) that he just quits and walks away. Yep. He thinks I am a complete and utter idiot.

There was a moment during this past week when I thought I caught sight of my son. He had just scored a run for his team after having his first “major” league hit. As he ran into the dugout, his eyes scanned the bleachers until they met mine. Then he flashed me that amazing smile, similar to the one that made my heart want to burst 11 short years ago. But unfortunately, after the game, the “new guy” was back.  *Sigh*

So, if any of you have seen my first-born, could you tell him to come home? Please? I miss him achingly. 

Or if you have any advice on how to get him back, I'm all ears.


  1. Wow! Great post - I'm so with you on this! The baby who made me a mommy is 16 (!!!) now, and my other baby boys are following right behind him. I've learned to savor those moments, like the one you described, when I see that little boy face grinning out at me, and have learned to be satisfied with that. I've also come to value them as the potential men they are - growing up into helpful, responsible, strong Men. And I keep hugging and kissing on them, even though their cheeks are stubbly! (more !!!) They like it, even though they might act like they don't.

    We're all in it together!


  2. Awww, I feel your pain, and I'm so scared of these pending years...

    Hang in there, he'll be back.


  3. Amazing post.. Totally cool. Am so sorry that i cannot help you find your boys nor can i give you any advice. Instead i would like to thank you for reminding how my mom's love me.

    I too have been like you lost boy... but after reading this post, i feel so sorry for my mom for how i have treated her..

    THis post is simply awesome!

  4. What a beautiful and amazing post! I look at my baby girl the same way sometimes.

    I love this blog and what you gals have done with it!!!! awesome!!

  5. That.


    A compliment I don't give lightly.

    I'm going to have to read, re-read, and tell my friends to read.

  6. I have an almost 12 yr. old boy. I just chuckle to myself when he does the eye rolling thing, etc. and think "I remember when..." The memories include the baby memories of him, but also memories of me acting the SAME WAY!

  7. Awww, you made me cry. My boys are 6 and 3, and I dread these days ahead. Luckily, I have heard that eventually they do grow out of it.

    I'm counting on it.

    And the stalking the parking lot during recess - I'm surprised my school hasn't called the cops yet. SOOO happy to hear I'm not alone :-)

    Excellent! E

  8. I am going through the same thing with my 15 yr old girl. How can something so beautiful get so -not beautiful sometimes? It's amazing, isn't it? That came from me? Help me!

    I'm posting my Wish List..I had scheduled to hit later on in the week. After reading this! I feel empowered to tell the truth, NOW!!!

  9. okay, kath... i am going to try not to sound too exasperated here. i forget that i am the one of this gang forging the path (although karen, i don't think, is too far behind. but she has girls).

    here's the scoop: you ARE an idiot. he's right. you're an idiot for falling for those first eleven years of goodness and light and sweet smells, and for being caught completely off-guard.

    oh, and the good news? there is none. i would have probably sounded a little more optimistic yesterday, as way back then i only had ONE moody teen. well, i woke up this morning with two. ugh. and my second one is showing signs of being in the gifted and talented nightmare teen program.

    in all seriousness? they don't ever return. they get bearable (and lovable) again, but their own little (and sometimes BIG) personalities develop and what you want and hope and wish for them can be completely different from what they want for themselves. it takes some getting used to.

    just try to keep him talking as best you can. communication through these nightmare years is key.

    oh, and finally, i am here for ya, sista!

  10. It just goes too fast! I miss my "babies" already and my oldest is 5!

  11. Wow Kathy! You pegged me and my life right now! It is such a struggle when the tweens and teens turn on you.

    I just keep on praying...real hard!

    And I overlook a lot of things....ugh.

    Where is the "Raising Teens for Dummies" book? I need a copy....ASAP!

    Great post!

  12. :( I really hope this doesn't happen to my little boy... which reminds me I need to take more video of him while he is young and adorable

  13. You made me cry, Kath... but it is not a bad thing. My son just turned fourteen, and I totally understand what you are feeling. To beat it all he was an early riser.. so he already looks like an adult, and sounds like one most of the time too. *sighs* I miss my baby.

    I loved this post.. it was really wonderful. Thank you so much for sharing. =]

  14. Great, great, great post. I've dreaded the tween/teen years beginning the very first day my daughter was born.

    I was once told that ages 5 through 10 are the honeymoon years. After reading your post, I think that sounds about right.

    Thanks for the prep!

  15. I am heartbroken and scared sh*tless over here.

  16. WOW you are an amazing writer! This changed my whole perspective on my kids today. Thank you

  17. Oh Lee...

    They show up every week or so, flash that smile, and then disappear again. Eventually, tho, the smiles stay around a little longer and they start saying "thanks mom" and "I love you" a little more often and you hope they're back for good.

    Then you write the college tuition check.

  18. Kath, Thank You. You have put into words all of the things that are welling up in my heart lately. A few weeks ago, I went with my 11 year old son to maturation night. I'm not kidding when I say that he woke up the next morning a different person. Everything in me wants to tie him up and not let him become the man he is bound and determined to become all too quickly. He's even wearing the Old Spice deodorant they gave him! But everything I know intuitively about being a Mom says "hold on loosely" and let him go, and grow, and roll his eyes and smell bad and be moody. I have a bracelet that says "A Mother holds her children's hearts for a short while, but their hearts forever." I pray that's true. To us, the teary eyed and scared Mothers of pre-teen boys.

  19. Thanks to each and every one of you for your beautiful comments. It truly helps knowing that I'm not alone in this "letting go" stage. As painful as it is to see our "little" ones grow up, it is simply something that MUST happen. This is what every child is born for, really.

    I have to admit, I've had several more moments of my "old sweet boy" during the last few days. You bet your asses I'm loving each and every minute...savoring those special times up. :-)

    Thank you all, my bloggy buddies--

  20. My Boy is 11, too. I totally feel your pain. I'm so glad I have The Man Beast to kind of coach me in all things Growing Up. "This is normal."

  21. well, i don't have boys, but little girls disappear too, and are replaced with other beings. it's up to us i'm afraid, just to get used to it and evolve with them!


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