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Thursday, March 5, 2009

Just Call Me Mary Kay Letourneau

Today these pages are being graced by one graceful writer, Em of Life, Liberty and the Pursuit.  Em was a chick I admired from afar but when we hooked up to work together on the Virtual Wagie Ride for Tuesday Project, I got to admire her even more from afar. Because that's the truth - we live afar from each other. Em's an intelligent, entertaining writer, a genuine person with a heart of gold, and she was kind enough to guest post while I'm off playing in the snow.  Read her, love her and then go follow her blog if you don't already.  She's nothing less than stellar.

Here's Em:

It might be a little twisted, but I find great pleasure in screwing with teenage drivers.

(Where did you think I was going with this?)

From driving school nervous nellies to newbies with Mama in the passenger seat - I'm an equal opportunity agitator, because really, these kiddos need to get used to aggressive drivers here in the Lone Star State - a place where TXDOT actually posts "Drive Friendly" signs on the interstates. And please don't get all uppity, I don't swap paint or anything, my insurance rates are high enough, thank you. Maybe it's a little slower in front of them, or somewhat faster behind them - just something to keep them on their toes.

The other day, Youngest pulled his usual Mussolini impersonation once we dropped Oldest at school - "Drive!!" So with his finger pointing the way, I willingly surrounded myself with high school students rushing to embrace learning.

This particular morning, I encountered my favorite type of teenage driver - the obnoxious texter. I know, they're not a rare breed; however, I seldom get the chance to actually make a point with one of these obliviots.

The prey: a raven-haired beauty driving a two-seater Mercedes (wait), with two friends in the passenger seat (yeah - you do the math). She's too busy letting mean girl #4 know they're running late to notice that she just blew through a flashing school zone sign. It's actually quite a miracle that I was able to witness this, since she was actually in perfect formation to load her sports car into the back of my transport SUV.

Fed up with me following the rules, she zips, one-handed mind you, to the other lane, only to be confronted by another law abiding citizen. I box her in for a minute, let her rev her frustration, then I hit the brakes and allow her to cut me off and zoom ahead, knowing full well that a cop ALWAYS sits at the top of the hill.

Feeling smug, I pass the end-school-zone sign and catch up to speed. I want to ensure a good view of just desserts. But what do I see as I crest...nothing!! No cop, and definitely no Mercedes.


My mind reels at what the cost of that deterrent ticket would have been - double ARG!

My true frustration? What's going to be the cost should that young thang have to learn her lesson the hard way?

Some ugly stats for you:

- The risk for a car accident increases by 50 percent for those who text while driving.

- The American Automobile Association found that out of 1,000 16 and 17-year-olds polled, 46 percent of them admitted to text messaging while driving.

- AAA found that a driver doubles their risk for a car accident when he/she takes their eyes of the road for more than two seconds, and that 80 percent of collisions involve some sort of inattention.

Sorry, I didn't Google the stats on SUV-driving Mama taking the law into her own hands. I know, I'm sure it ain't pretty either.


  1. You are one awesome and scary chick! Man, I sure don't want to meet you on a dark highway somewhere...or even a sunny one!

  2. I am surprised she wasn't willing to let go of the wheel to flip you off.

    By the way, I do THE SAME THINGS when I am driving!

  3. It always aggrevates the piss outta me to KNOW there is always a cop somewhere except when you need hi or to show him "look I know how to follow all the laws"

    My husband messed with a teenage Hungry Howies driver wrecklessly weaving in and out of traffic.. boxed him in sped up, slammed on brakes.. by the time the guy ws able to be in a place to pass him, my husband had to turn..

    it's so much fun messing with them I will check out your blog later today :)

  4. my days of messing with teen drivers is over (oh and i was good at it, too), now that i have one. the thought of him in a convertible with too many passengers and a cell phone scares the living daylights out of me. i wonder...are army tanks very expensive?

  5. I am soooooo not looking forward to having teenage husband and I each crashed several cars.....AND WE DIDN'T EVEN HAVE CELLPHONES!

  6. Maybe you should've pulled a Nicky Hilton on her and done a citizens arrest...?

    Great post, Em, as usual!

  7. Now this is truly spooky.

    I'm angry with you that the cop wasn't there to give the wench what she so richly deserved!


    Great guest post Em!


  8. My mother threatened to disown me if I didn't stop texting while driving (not that there's anything to "own," but you get the idea). I'm six months sober, thankyouverymuch.

  9. I once again am thrilled my kids are out of school so I NEVER have to go near the HS again.
    I have horrible road rage, so I avoid the chitlins at all cost. They will only help to aggravate an already pus filled condition. They make medicine for this don't they?

  10. You taken them down, Em, one drive at a time.

  11. this makes me afraid, very afraid. I'm only 2 1/2 years away from this nightmare - any ideas for tracking this sort of teenage activity Mary Kay? I'm all ears at this point.

  12. Nice EM! I have too embraced the pleasure of teaching these lil punks a lesson or two. 4 wheel drive, gotta love it. We have a 'round about' near our local high school, and let me tell you, those kids are nuts, YIELD dudes! anyway, I am with you on this one, great post!

  13. Thanks for all the comment love my ladies!!

    And Deb, I'm betting with the Iraq pull back, army tanks are going to be a dime a dozen :-)

  14. Great post! I need you to teach a lesson to the crazy drivers on my street, who don't notice my little ones waiting for the bus. Ugh.

  15. Lee - I have a welcome home gift for you when you get back - under my Thursday post :-)


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