tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8955155520122173178.post193273637689717001..comments2023-11-02T04:54:54.364-07:00Comments on moms without blogs: Do I smell?Unknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger25125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8955155520122173178.post-38633645344868858482009-05-27T06:09:03.284-07:002009-05-27T06:09:03.284-07:00I seem to have the oppostie problem...I can't seem...I seem to have the oppostie problem...I can't seem to find a friend (who wants to REALLY connect) who ISN'T a mom! Everyone I know is a mom, and I can't seem to locate any friends who are childless who want to "let me in," so to speak. They already have their little cliques, and I'm the outsider who's either trying too hard or seems like she doesn't even care! Ptthhttt. I guess the grass is always greener, huh?Sassy Britcheshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00346700962941797782noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8955155520122173178.post-9567693522079896842009-05-24T20:46:19.747-07:002009-05-24T20:46:19.747-07:00I loved this post. I could not agree with you more...I loved this post. I could not agree with you more. I have never had a close group of girlfriends and barely had a best friend. I feel like I stink all the time. Seems like everyone already has their "special friends". I sound pathetic writing this. Oh, well.Jessicahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04081708244293055919noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8955155520122173178.post-20831157486200571052009-05-22T21:28:28.158-07:002009-05-22T21:28:28.158-07:00For the record, I also have a kick a$$ routine for...For the record, I also have a kick a$$ routine for "Two of Hearts." :-) EmAshhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00084508582913500810noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8955155520122173178.post-54277075729787555372009-05-22T11:51:20.958-07:002009-05-22T11:51:20.958-07:00sheesh, I couldn't read all the comments, so I'm s...sheesh, I couldn't read all the comments, so I'm sorry if I repeat...<br /><br />I love this post because I SO get it. And it made me want to hang out with you. <br /><br />I think it boils down to one thing - INSECURITY. Most moms struggle in group situations, they're being careful about what they say even if they seem like old pals. I've noticed that most of the time I spend in mom groups with kiddos around, the moms are panicky over what their kids are doing and saying, trying to appear as if their child never does anything...childish. So they aren't even really engaging in anything but their own head space. <br /><br />I only have a couple of friends that can shut that off and just hang with me. And I love time with them. Regular old playdates with groups are SO not my thing.<br /><br />I hope you find those people who really "get you" soon. I'm sure it's NOT just you...it's mommies. Weird.Heather of the EOhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14607422301391841377noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8955155520122173178.post-42513340272667430042009-05-22T09:18:02.217-07:002009-05-22T09:18:02.217-07:00ummmm....HELLO?...what am i, chopped liver?
and ...ummmm....HELLO?...what am i, chopped liver? <br /><br />and p.s....at least you get invited to the pre-school parties! haha.<br /><br />xo, <br />eAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8955155520122173178.post-88054168496223361782009-05-22T08:51:18.661-07:002009-05-22T08:51:18.661-07:00Lee - I see you struggling with this just in this ...Lee - I see you struggling with this just in this series of comments - it is so difficult to put your finger on the problem let alone the solution. My solution is give up... just embrace your isolation.... <br /><br />I'm kidding...<br /><br />Bottom line is making great, soulful, trust-filled friendships with women is TOUGH. And finding one that lives down the street who is ready to dance with you in the living room while the cookies are burning and your kids are playing on the freeway...<br />well that the TOUGHEST thing EVER.<br />I've been in Salt Lake City for EIGHT years. The amount of wonderful women I've met here... countless!<br />The amount of lifetime best friends discovered... well, its like "momisodes" said up there - it truly is like dating - it is HARD, so hard to find the time to devote to seeing if you truly are soul sisters - and then if you see a glimmer of hope, do they feel the same way??? Like I said, I have friendships here and I have met so many wonderful women here, but I'm still working on the best best best friendships... I think as long as I'm here, I will have to constantly re-commit to working on it... and working on it... and working on it...<br />In the meantime, thank God for all you wonderful folks out there in MWOB land that are kindred spirits - it helps to know we're not alone. And thanks Lee for your honesty and getting the discussion rolling...Karenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01224604816374609110noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8955155520122173178.post-85113665444690240742009-05-22T06:23:15.404-07:002009-05-22T06:23:15.404-07:00It is not just you...and I'm right there with you....It is not just you...and I'm right there with you. I met a girl like a year ago, we had a couple playdates, I thought "well maybe we'll be friends"...never heard from her again...<br /><br />Then yesterday, I ran into her on the street. I asked how she was doing, she said "Oh, I've found a group to hang with..." This translated to me that, I hadn't made the cut.<br /><br />I don't know why this bummed me out, but it did. Since when do I care what practically strangers think? Yet, it bummed me out that I didn't make the cut:PCynthiahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00625673916138703709noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8955155520122173178.post-34004750531605974452009-05-21T22:16:31.162-07:002009-05-21T22:16:31.162-07:00You bring up so many good points with this post. ...You bring up so many good points with this post. I agree, it is hard to make real friends as I get older. I'm not really sure why. I think part of it is, when we are younger, we're less "heady" about things...if we dig someone and they dig us, we "connect" and a friendship ensues.<br /><br />It's definitely hard to make real friends when we become Mamas. I agree with the others, I think women can be pretty competitive and judgemental. <br /><br />All I know is that my real friends "get me"...and no matter how far away they might be, their friendship is a constant, soul-feeding, enriching, positive force in my life. And I am extremely thankful!!<br /><br />Oh, and you, my friend, are definitely one of those people who feeds my soul. Thank you :-)kathhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15133464481045009359noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8955155520122173178.post-15338610873411955342009-05-21T22:02:19.718-07:002009-05-21T22:02:19.718-07:00The subject of this post has been percolating in m...The subject of this post has been percolating in my head all day wondering if it came out the way I wanted it to and meant it to but although it didn't perfectly summarize all that I wanted it to the main point is there - that it's tough meeting a new friend that is a mom and I am sure as hell not the only woman to feel this way. So I love what Swirl Girl said because yes, exactly, where do we find this group of creative, smart. snarky etc etc women who we can be friends with? In the internet that's where!!! But there is still a problem in that for me....this internet deal only goes so far so.....now what?<br /><br />I guess we need MWOB retreats as Deb suggested.....and Em can perform her "Living on A Prayer" routine...I would die to see that.<br /><br />Thanks for all of these awesome thoughtful comments....<br /><br />:-)Lee Vandemanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04971330113441169156noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8955155520122173178.post-69793506704907843312009-05-21T21:11:09.743-07:002009-05-21T21:11:09.743-07:00I can relate to this on so many levels. I also ha...I can relate to this on so many levels. I also have very few girl friends who I've connected with. In fact, I think I've had maybe 1 or 2 close girl friends in the last decade. And none of them live near me now. <br />As for meeting new friends/moms. I find it's like dating all over again!Momisodeshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06752015177628948631noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8955155520122173178.post-11823830283627049592009-05-21T11:58:21.162-07:002009-05-21T11:58:21.162-07:00It's nice to see I'm not the only one. I've even ...It's nice to see I'm not the only one. I've even tried the "let's do lunch" thing, even though I'm not a do lunch kind of girl, but end up being given every excuse in the book. Just to hear them talk about having lunch with someone else.<br /><br />I'm all for us not cool mamas hanging out. I need to know that I don't have to have it all together as a mom just to be someone's friend. Really, are we in middle school all over again? Never want to go there a second time!<br /><br />And while we're at it, wouldn't it be nice JUST FOR ONCE for someone else to do the asking? If I'm not the one inviting people over or out or whatever we can go for months without doing something. What's up with THAT?Swizzhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03321392265281175031noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8955155520122173178.post-32854364736602163182009-05-21T11:06:51.377-07:002009-05-21T11:06:51.377-07:00First of all, you really do not smell!
Second of ...First of all, you really do not smell!<br /><br />Second of all, you live in an area of "those moms". The moms that are so competitive that their kids are going to be in therapy for YEARS thanks to them.<br /><br />Move to the valley - I'd love to hang out with you :) I've made 2 REALLY GOOD friends whose kids are in 1st grade with mine. We are all slacker moms who think that our kids haracter (even if we have to beat it in to them) is more important than what they "accomplish" or are wearing ;)Julia@SometimesLucidhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14750362656434125400noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8955155520122173178.post-90870453545894038852009-05-21T10:41:46.114-07:002009-05-21T10:41:46.114-07:00First of all - I just want to say how scary alike ...First of all - I just want to say how scary alike we are ...that being said - I will be your friend who just happens to be a mom.<br /><br />Mommy groups bore me to tears. There are other things to talk about than uteri and (ugh) children. <br /><br />Where's a fun group of smart , worldly, educated, experienced, real, realistic, independent, snarky women when you need them? In the internet ....that's where!Swirl Girlhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18241915723936809627noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8955155520122173178.post-47108020139849741712009-05-21T09:50:26.020-07:002009-05-21T09:50:26.020-07:00I feel the same way. I don't know why its so hard ...I feel the same way. I don't know why its so hard to make mommy friends?Jenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10399156539354549499noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8955155520122173178.post-45571334274793670162009-05-21T09:42:10.527-07:002009-05-21T09:42:10.527-07:00this is a great topic, lee!! i am so into this dis...this is a great topic, lee!! i am so into this discussion!<br /><br />listen, i don't mean that other moms are mean-spirited... what i mean is i really believe a lot of women are looking inward... absorbed or caught up in their own need for acceptance that they aren't casting a very wide net in hopes of catching an unique, cool friend. <br /><br />i think the only solution to this is frequent MWOB retreats! if no one minds dogs, cats and chaos, we can have them here!Debhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07896271627723253157noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8955155520122173178.post-31663876149581444222009-05-21T09:21:27.421-07:002009-05-21T09:21:27.421-07:00I feel like the transition from small talk to "rea...I feel like the transition from small talk to "really get to know one another" talk is the hard part for me. I feel always feel so ackward. <br /><br />Since having my daughter I have felt like a loner. I don't want friendships that are just based on the fact that we both have kids. Maybe that is my problem. It seems like a lot of moms are pretty singularly focused on their children and almost seem to forget that they are also their own person, and conversations don't have to revolve around their children. <br /><br />I guess I had trouble like this when my friends and I were all starting to get married and suddenly they forgot that they had their own personalities outside of their husbands too.Evolving Mommy Catherinehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02396529445805781031noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8955155520122173178.post-81647808779424597402009-05-21T08:59:34.083-07:002009-05-21T08:59:34.083-07:00It's amazing how we feel so alone yet, there is so...It's amazing how we feel so alone yet, there is something universal about that feeling. Weird huh?<br /><br />For me, it has been all about accpetance. I was recently at a backyard party for one of my daughter's classmates. There was a group of moms chatting in various circles and instead of forcing myself to join one of the circles and chime in, I made the choice to sit by myself and just watch the party. I just didn't have it in me to try to fit in. I was tired of it. I don't fit in. That's clear. <br /><br />I so get it about the small talk. It only goes so far and then it just gets exhausting. <br /><br />And, charity? Are you kidding? You are critical to the girl's getaways. Without you, who could I possibly get into a conversation with about "dumb people" or "gay weddings in education." You light up the scene my friend, truly like no other. <br /><br />Great post. Oh and by the way, you definitely don't smell.Amyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06801962129600420128noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8955155520122173178.post-33729587430893097952009-05-21T08:37:48.852-07:002009-05-21T08:37:48.852-07:00Oh Lee-I so get what you're saying. How can so ma...Oh Lee-I so get what you're saying. How can so many of us have the same problem? We should be running into eachother everywhere and all being friends at this rate!<br />I'm feeling a strange combination of dread and hope at the coming year of kindergarten. Maybe I will meet some friends, maybe it will all be the same thing. I swear I smiled at every single mom who made eye contact with me at "pre-registration" and maybe two smiled back. I probably do smell....Stickyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02693558544168590952noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8955155520122173178.post-84040373312592084372009-05-21T07:59:11.725-07:002009-05-21T07:59:11.725-07:00Hey all my MWOB friends that are offering such won...Hey all my MWOB friends that are offering such wonderful comments....this post really has me thinking. And Deb, yes, I need to try Quirky's 60-second plan and see if that works. :-)<br /><br />At this point in my mom life (CR, my oldest, will be 7 in June) I can honestly say I have met some really wonderful moms. I haven't experienced any sort of extreme competitiveness yet and nothing seems mean-spirited in any way. I just really truly feel left out of the mom conversation that seems to be happening around me. <br /><br />I also realize that finding a true friend is not the easiest thing to do in life...someone you really truly get along with and feel totally comfortable with - that's hard. I've never been a quick friend kind of person and like I said, I've never had flocks of friends in my life. Now that I'm a mom, my main source for meeting women is in momworld. And in that world, I think moms think I'm slightly strange.<br /><br />Anyway - can't wait to see other people weigh in on this topic...maybe there are more of us out there than I realized and maybe that is one huge reason why we are blogging.<br /><br />And I love blogging friends - for sure....but really face to face is what I need in my life. You know?Lee Vandemanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04971330113441169156noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8955155520122173178.post-42923643945109420822009-05-21T06:48:00.242-07:002009-05-21T06:48:00.242-07:00Lee you always write the most poignant and touchin...Lee you always write the most poignant and touching posts.<br /><br />Really GF! I love your insight and ability to wordsmith so well your feelings and emotions.<br /><br />You blow me away!<br /><br />Now to the post. I TOTALLY and completely get it. I hate to add that I am sooo in the same boat! I, too, want a friend who just happens to be a Mom. Actually, I don't even care about that. Just somebody who wants and can take the time to hang with me and that I can feel comfortable calling up and saying...Hey I can hang with you for a few minutes, hours, days, weeks? heh heh<br /><br />And for the record, I can admit it. I AM insecure a lot of the times. Oh well. Maybe that is the turn-off.<br /><br />Yeesh!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8955155520122173178.post-81596096876496952902009-05-21T06:31:05.318-07:002009-05-21T06:31:05.318-07:00I feel exactly the same way. I see groups of moms...I feel exactly the same way. I see groups of moms and their kids and they're all...enmeshed in each other's lives. I just wonder...what have I done wrong?<br /><br />Is it that my house isn't a mansion? My kids wear second hand clothes? My husband isn't a doctor?<br /><br />I have no clue...and if you figure it out, let me know...Sasshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01254165746352156499noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8955155520122173178.post-15887008712360869142009-05-21T06:10:17.587-07:002009-05-21T06:10:17.587-07:00I am so with you on this one!
I'm also with Deb. ...I am so with you on this one!<br /><br />I'm also with Deb. <br /><br />In addition to what you both have said, it seems many moms "have enough friends" and don't want to "introduce" anyone else into their little world.<br /><br />I am thankful for my friends - some are moms with little kids, some are moms with HS and college aged kids and some have NO kids. The best part is, when we are together, we don't spend all of our time talking about kids!Kimhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02921336810725430983noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8955155520122173178.post-85023010526339615792009-05-21T06:06:03.870-07:002009-05-21T06:06:03.870-07:00"I really don't need a mommy friend. I just need a..."I really don't need a mommy friend. I just need and want a friend who is a mom." <br /><br />I so get this.<br /><br />Yet another reason why I feel the need to move to California. I could teach you an awesome routine to "Living on a Prayer."Ashhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00084508582913500810noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8955155520122173178.post-3713103409456625542009-05-21T05:53:29.266-07:002009-05-21T05:53:29.266-07:00ps: you better NOT smell or you'll have to find a ...ps: you better NOT smell or you'll have to find a new roommate in chicago.Debhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07896271627723253157noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8955155520122173178.post-62438152494120041582009-05-21T05:51:02.619-07:002009-05-21T05:51:02.619-07:00okay, your imagined play date sounds heavenly. i t...okay, your imagined play date sounds heavenly. i think we could make it work. my kids are old enough that they could basically care for your kids and we would be able to complete ignore them for hours. DAYS, maybe.<br /><br />i have a few theories about your issue. and they all seem catty, but i have thought and observed and attempted and pulled away for years now.<br /><br />so i guess let me give my thoughts and i'll let our readers see if the dots can be connected at all....<br /><br />1) in an effort to make themselves feel better about themselves and the choices they make as moms (because who wants to be accused of not doing THE best thing for their kids), some moms are very competitive. these moms often times talk AT you, and don't really engage.<br /><br />2) MANY women i know are completely invested in their kids... i mean to the point that they are basically living vicariously through their kids. this often lends itself to very focused talk about their own kids, their kids' achievements, their kids' "goals" (i am sorry, but what 8 year old has goals? these are usually TOTALLY parent-driven).<br /><br />3) as the kids get older, they get more involved in sports, school, the 'hood, etc. this kind of forces you to be around people (moms) that you may not ordinarily choose to associate with. it's important to get along with these peeps, as they will be in your circle, but there's no rule that says you have to be buds. it makes it difficult, and this is where i am having a really tough time. i am AROUND people that the only thing i have in common with is my kids. my instinct is to try to be friends with them. but i don't like them all that much. and now that the kids are older, i see that as soon as the kiddos graduate, we will all be TOTALLY going our separate ways. so i guess i am biding my time. <br /><br />i went on WAY too long and probably just made things worse. but i guess i am trying to say, that you are lucky to have the wonderful friendships that you do have. you are okay. you are normal. or maybe you aren't normal, but you definitely aren't alone in how you feel. <br /><br />maybe you should try out quirky's 60 sec plan and report back to us with the results.Debhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07896271627723253157noreply@blogger.com